Depression: The Prison Warder!

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Sometimes my depression feels like a Prison Warder who locks me away inside my mind most of the time currently at the moment.

Though currently what does not help is I am surrounded by people who do not understand my depression fully and who really give so little to those around themselves in so much they are so self-centred and focused to a point they put themselves first.

But this is what modern man has become far to focused on themselves, even when they are not suffering depression, they are now very poor at functioning or even creating communities which are real basis of any human society and grouping.

This has a very detrimental effect on those of us who suffer depression as we have to already fight a self imposed isolation without fighting a society which now encourages isolation of people by preaching the virtual of individualism at the expense of community.

Here I like to point out I am not against individualism but what I do disagree with when it is at the expense of humanities natural state of living in groups and communities.

Contrary to popular belief the one thing most people with depression want is to live in isolation but live as part of a group or community, that is live in the normal state of human beings. Much like other human beings depressives need people around them to function even be creative and give some meaning to their lives.

Sadly the way our modern world this need is being met less and less by the Human Society around us which is making difficult for people who suffer depression. As after all once we actually do something about our depressions to find it really not worth it as we open up to a society which encourages isolation and discourages formation of communities.

In the end you really wonder was it worth while to actually do something about your depression because the modern society is suffering from a depression of it own which quickly drags you down again!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

I Am Invisible!

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I mind as well be invisible at the moment at it seams everyone around me does not take a blind bit of notice of what I say or do. Then they wonder why I am in a constant bad mood as it is not the most pleasant place to be!

What ever I say and do it matters little to everyone around me regardless if it is right or wrong and it makes me feel like I mind as well not be here as I am getting nothing out of life in general.

At the moment it really feels like everyone talks at me even at home rather than talk to me and feels like everyone is deciding things for me without consulting myself. I get constantly accused to saying things I have never said by people around me!

In the end I mind as well not be here as everyone else has decided where my life will go and ignoring me totally. Then they wonder why I sit in front of the computer most of the time as it is only time I can say something and have something I actually have a control over currently!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: The Sad Case!

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The sad case of the German Co-Pilot who recently crashed his plane in the Swiss Alps killing all on board all because he felt he had to hide his depression because he believed he had to hide his depression because he could of lost his job.

So in the end a lot of people needlessly died because of peoples fear of depression which meant the Co-Pilot felt he had to hide it. This is fundamentally wrong on so many levels as it highlights the continued discrimination and fear around mental illness. So in the end rather than helping it puts up barriers against helping people with mental health and implies that people with mental illness cannot work and function in normal society.

Those of us who suffer depression know we can function perfectly normal and work as hard as so called normal people especially if we get the right help to live with our depression be it therapy or even anti-depressants.

But once again this whole sad event has highlighted that our society at all levels from the ivory towers of governments and corporations down to the individual need to really start to think how how we deal with mental illness, especially depression. That is rather than treating people with mental illness as outsiders best locked away but as real people who have an illness after all the same people do not treat people with physical illness in the same way.

Time people stop treating mental illness and it suffers as evil and failures!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Feeling Lost in Life!

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It is being one of those weeks when my depression makes me feel like I am lost in a life which is going nowhere and powerless to do anything about it.

It sounds like I am using my depression as an excuse to not do anything about my life but those people who suffer depression will know that it is one of the major effects of depression in so much it almost robs you of the ability to change your life. All caused by constant tiredness and listlessnesses caused by the physical side effects of the depression itself.

It is always hard work for me to do anything or change anything in my life as I have to constantly fight myself and trendily for me to leave things as they are especially when life is comfortable as it is at the moment even if there are money problems currently.

So if it sounds like I am just using my depression as excuse it is currently the process of myself trying to convince myself to do something about my life but currently I am at a loss how I can move my life forward as I feel abandoned as I cannot get any real help with the process!

Though saying this last year has not been a total loss as I have slowly moved forward with myself doing a lot of things on my computers including a web site, blogs and small social web site. Add to this I have finally gained the confidence in my own writing especially on my blogs.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

My Only Connection!

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At the moment my various journals feel like my only connection to the world around me which is all to do with the debilitating effect of my depression which effects the way I connect with the world around me.

My depression currently robs me of the inclination of actually leaving the house or doing anything outside of the house other than work and shopping. It has made be so self-sufficient that I really do not need people or social contact or so I think.

But anyone who knows me especially through my journals will know this is far from the truth as I like everyone else need people and social contact especially to keep my depression at bay and simply because I am human being which is a social animal.

But at least I have a partner and dogs here so not totally a bad situation to be in but inside my head my current situation is very frustrating as I have been saying I will do something a hobby but each time my mind find an excuse not to do it or always says do it tomorrow and never does it.

As always it ends up a battle between myself and my own mind to get me to do something different which I know I can win after all in the last year I have been blogging something which I would of never done some 5 years now.

So in the end I know I can win but it has always been a difficult battle!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Living in the Shadows of the Insecure!

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After most of my life of people around me treating me as stupid because I do not sound intelligent, socially inept and can be a bit strange at times, I am sort of getting fed up of it!

No one outside of my friends actually believe I can mess around with computers and software plus have the wherefore all to actually research the knowledge I need to do things. I always get the feeling from some people around me they are simply humouring me when I talk about what I do on my computers at home. I also get the same feeling when I point out what I have done in the past that is been a computer programmer even that I have degree in Physics and Astrophysics.

I suspect a lot of the feeling I get are due to my insecurity caused by my depression but I also suspect a lot of what I am encountering is due to the insecurity of the people around me as much as I found during my school days people are still intimidated by anyone who shows a modicum of intelligence, flare and imagination.

Over the years this is one thing which really has not changed in our society here in the United Kingdom as it strikes me our society as a whole seams to have issue with people who have real intelligence, flare even imagination. It has always been highlighted in our press here which takes great pleasure to knocking people who have shown such traits.

In the end for people like myself it has always been an issue as it has always caused issues with my self-confidence, self-image and caused insecurity in myself and people wonder why in the end people like myself end up angry, frustrated and disillusioned with the world around them.

Just lucky now I am doing something about my depression as I may still get fed up of the situation every few while but now I can fight my feelings of insecurity and remember it is not my own insecurity causing my issues but those around me who are simply afraid of anything and anyone different.

In the end it is a sad reflection of the world we have created for ourselves!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: Bringer of Emptiness!

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As always my depression has been working it’s devious ways on me over the last few weeks in so much it has made me constantly tired, irritable and worst of all made me feel empty inside. This is even when I am on the anti-depressants but at least it is not the deeper downs I used to get when I was not on them.

But it has meant over the last few weeks I have been very quiet generally and not exactly very sociable or even wanting any real human contact other than shallow everyday sort of interactions. On top of which it knocks my creative side for six to a point I feel empty and desolate inside.

It makes makes feel empty inside in the end as I in the end my life feels like it is pointless and not worth it. This in itself is a very destructive thought which I have to fight once it arrives in my head.

But at least now I know these phases of my depression are only temporary even if they last months they will eventually disappear especially when I start to ignore theses negative feelings. One day soon I will wake up and be creative and full of life again and these difficult days will be forgotten again.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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