Depression: Leaning Not to Live in Fear

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As I came out of my depression one thing I noticed is that I do not live in fear any more especially of life itself even dying. All the time I was at my height of my depression, which was decades, I lived in constant fear of everything from dying, what people thought of me to even changes of life which made life very difficult for me.

It had become something which dominated my life totally and meant I never really lived as such just existed and go through the motions of life. Then I would not even write this journal as I would of been to afraid of what people would think about it and not able to take any criticism because of it.

One thing I that has come out of me controlling depression is the fact that I do not live in fear of life any more which means I can finally live my life how I want not how others think I should.

Though one thing has come out of this I am still surrounded by people who are still living in fear of life not necessarily due to depression as their actions indicate that is they are always angry, aggressive or even not wanting to understand people just in case they show weakness hence fear. It also highlights the detrimental effect living in fear does to the people around you as it ends up hurting and frustrating people as I see now I see it from the other side.

All in all after I stopped living in fear I have started to enjoy life more and stop worrying about things which I have little real control over though it does not stop me commenting when things are wrong in my view.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Getting Know Yourself!

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The one thing that comes out with myself suffering depression is the fact that you get very good at thinking about yourself and the way you think especially when I came out of my depression.

Though I have always been a thinker about things and life in general though I still missed the more subtle effects of depression that is the feelings of always missing things and constant anger as I always thought they were perfectly normal feelings.

But as I started to get out of my depression I started to understand that these were not normal thoughts and the result of my depression along with other feelings and thoughts. As I came out of my depression I started to learn more about myself and accept who I am including my strengths and failings.

In the end I have got to know myself much better now and most definitely happier with myself even with my failings and short comings. I still miss sometimes the depression effects but at least now I can fight back.

Finally even with my failings I do like myself something I never could do when I was suffering my depression!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: The Forgotten Physical Effects!

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Every time I get back on the anti-depressants I remember the physical effects of my depression on myself as not only my obsessive thoughts go but also a lot of physical ache and pains go away at the same time.

I think this is one of the things most people who have never depression never really understand are the physical effects of depression and other people put it down to the person in question moaning about something again.

But I and everyone else should not be surprised by the physical effects of depression after all always being in a dark place your body reacts to it by always being prepared to run and hide from the dark things. This is never a good thing for your body as it never relaxes and constantly flooded with less than healthy chemicals.

In the end it is always first thing I notice when I go back on the anti-depressants is the fact the ache and pains go though I do sleep a lot at first as my body recovers from constant wash of unhealthy chemicals.

Though I still have ache and pains but that just due to growing older and things happened in the past so perfectly normal and relief from the constant ache and pains because of the depression.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Quiet After the Storm!

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Once I start my anti-depressives again after a break I always feel very calm even empty headed as my mind is so quiet inside. It is a strange feeling which always a bit off putting especially when I have been through a particularly difficult time with my depression as I have been through over the past month.

At least now without the clutter of the obsessive and negative thoughts within my mind I can relax and allow back the real thoughts of things I need to do plus those creative thoughts which have been suppressed by the dark thoughts.

I will get used to the quiet mind again and once again start to live my life free from worry and regard problems as things to be solved not to be feared.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Always Feels Like a Defeat!

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When I go back onto the anti-depressants it always feels like the defeat and the depression has won but in my case it does mean I can live a normal life. That is I am free from the constant obsessive thoughts over trivial things and not constantly angry about small things which occur to everyone every day.

As every time I have talking therapy it takes very little for me to get back to what people would call normal functioning person as long as I stay on the anti-depressants it has started to make me wonder if the whole issue of my depression has a major physical component to it. It has always stuck me that I have a real physical fault within my brain and it’s associated organs.

I have always wondered if there are other people out there have the same thoughts and experiences as myself that is therapies never work as such but by simply taking anti-depressants seam to alleviate large amount of the depression and the worse of its symptoms. I must not only be only one out there who must have had the same experience.

But I looks like I may have to continue to take some form of anti-depressants for the rest of my life along with the constant nagging thought of the feeling with defeat and depression has won though the fact that I can function is a worthwhile price to pay.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Time to Fight Back!

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With the prospect of going back into an environment which will aggravate my depression I have had to over last few days had to fight the constant dark thoughts. All not helped by obsessive thoughts worrying about someone at work who frankly now such a minor player and frankly has no real effect on my job or prospects any more.

So today will be a fight back during which I will occupy myself with positive and creative things including writing for my journals. On top of which get into my own mind that work and my colleagues really do not have that much influence on my life as a whole as long I do what I expected at work that is all I can do. Any other issues at work are their problems not mine even if sometimes makes work harder for me than it should as in the end they will have to answer for their actions.

So today is putting my life into perceptive in so much I am very good at my job which is recognised by the more important people at work already. I have nice, if not perfect, home life with lovely partner and dogs who add so much to my life. On top of which other than my constant fight with my depression and it’s physical side effects my health is very good for my age.

In the end my life is not perfect but is better than most and I do really have a chance to change it for the better if I wanted to so today I will start to fight back one again from the debilitating thoughts my depression always gives me!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Stepping Back!

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Just sometimes it is good to step back from life and allow ourself time to take stock of your life as a whole and finally decide what is really important and what is trivial. All in this should be done especially if you are suffering depression as the trivial matters can cloud what is really important in your life and stop you moving on.

But as always depression makes suffers focus on matters which frankly really do not matter or should not effect or really cannot effect the course of life in my case allowing an insufficient man who really has no power of which direction my life goes or over where my life goes. If anything in comparison to other people around me is a very insufficient person who has far more problems with their life and career than I ever had and will ever get.

But depression as always makes trivial things into mountains and when it does it is time to step back and take stock of where I am in my life and in this case in the end I am good at my job, I have good home, a good partner and 3 lovely dog, one of which may drives me bad. Add to this I may be mature but with all my skills and experience I have so much to offer new employers so I should not have any issues changing jobs.

In the end if I step back from my life and stop listening to my depression my life is really not that bad but now it is a fight my depression so I can move on as the world is my oyster!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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