Depression: Never Feeling Happy!

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Currently my life can be difficult at times both financially and emotionally but basically it is good, settled and most definitely better than large number of people in our world. I should feel happy about this and sometimes I actually feel happy.

But as always my depression at times always robs me of the ability to actually feel happy and contented. It always make me feel like that something is missing and wrong with my life especially when I am alone and time to mull on my thoughts. As always the dark thoughts of my depression always creeps in.

Half the knack of fighting this is to focus on what is good in my life and those parts of my life which are not going so well not to allow them to colour my mood as after all a lot of the issues I really do not have control over.

Plus the Chinese Proverb ‘A problem is an opportunity waiting to happen’ fits in very well when fighting my depression.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: Another Day and Another Battle!

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As always battling with my depression is a daily thing for myself something I have to do every morning just to function as a normal person. Sometimes I simply do not win and spend the rest of the day in a down feeling both tired and listless even disconnected from the world around me.

These battles are result of a catch 22 situation as I need to fight every morning but because of the battle itself tires me out so much I cannot find the energy to fight the battle. All made worse by the fact without help there seams no way out of the situation and far too easily to fall into giving in because of the depression.

The days when I do win the daily battle I do feel much better and function as what is called a normal person and actually enjoy the day. So in the end fighting the battle is always worth the effort in the end.

The days when I lose the battle it really all I want to do is scream at the world with frustration as I end up locked inside myself for another day.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: The Great Isolator!

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The most terrible thing depression can do to the user is isolate them from the world around them as the suffer would rather keep away from people and groups of people to reduce the anxiety or stress of dealing with people. So in the end the suffer of depression because of the depression isolate themselves from both the people and world around them.

In the end they end up at home hiding from the world around them only leaving the house when it is absolutely necessary that if they need to buy food, things they need and to pay bills. This makes the person who suffering depression feeling worse because this self enforced isolation with the effects on the depression it makes them feel more lonely and down as they lose even more connection to the world around them.

As always with depression this becomes a viscus circle which can only be broken by person who has the depression something which is potentially difficult and impossible to do. This regardless of the great mental strength of the suffer of the depression but something the suffer has to to for their own sanity.

As always depression is that insidious illness which an trap users in a dark place they would like to escape from but feel powerless to do so.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: Put Things Off to Tomorrow!

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Depression can make life of the sufferers more difficult in so much when things need doing people suffering tend to put off to tomorrow as all they see are the issues and problems associated with doing something rather than benefits it will give them.

In my case currently I am thinking of changing my broadband as I know I can get it cheaper elsewhere but I am very reluctant to change because all I can see are the problems with the change that is I have to change all my on-line accounts for various companies to the new email addresses and the such not the befits.

This may sound strange to someone who does not suffer or live with depression but to someone who suffers depression will understand that to them this can be issue as it can cause anxiety because of the issues it potentially cause them. It all to do with the nature of depression as the suffer constantly looks at the dark side of things even if a change will benefit them.

So in the end someone suffering depression life never changes for the better as they trapped in this viscus circle and end up be poor deal from life because it just too difficult to do something to make things better. It is a constant frustration to the suffer of depression which in the end makes them feel even more useless and isolated.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: The Falling Asleep Problem!

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One of the few thing which can still cause some issues still even now after I learnt to live with my depression is falling asleep but for differing reasons. This time mainly because my mind is too active rather than because I have the fear that I will die in my sleep which is strangely a lot easier to cope with.

But what I find strange and little comical with the whole current falling asleep problem is now I end up in bed annoyed with the fact I am not falling asleep, thinking too much and uncomfortable because I cannot settle in bed and this is the last thing I remember. This seams to be regular occurrence especially on certain days of the week.

This is now an annoyance rather than a major issue as it used to be when I was in the depths of my depression and certainly does both my physical and mental well being more good.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: Riding the Roller-coaster!

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Even after learning to live with my depression at times life is still a roller-coaster ride from high moods which I am still very active to low moods where all I want to do it sit around do nothing. The only difference now the moods are not as extreme and the cycle takes longer to change and less effected by external events and crisis.

There are also those times still fall into the real roller-coaster ride of a depression now only caused by more difficult and extreme situation in my life when I need extra help of antidepressants and therapy to get over the these periods of time. This is much like so called normal people though my down periods can be deeper and longer period.

This is all at a variance to the depth of my depression during which the roller-coaster of moods was far more extreme in so much I had times when everything was just fine and life was rosy to times when life was terrible and I wanted to find a way to end it. All this could be in the same day depending on what was happening around me and how I felt inside at the time. This certainly made being close to me more difficult as people would have to cope with the roller-coaster of moods which in itself always a tall order for anyone regardless of their mental states.

It is one of the many things I do not miss from the depths of my depression as it is always easier for myself and other that my moods do not change as much over short periods of time. It basically allows me to settle down and put more focus into following what is called a normal life not dominated by my depression.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: The Demon Drink!

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After last 3 days at work with all the stress and issues there, I wanted to drink again under the pretence that I needed to relax and escape. Some 10 years ago I would of gone out and brought some red wine, got drunk and to regret it the next day because of a hangover and downs caused by the drinking itself!

At the height of my depression this was always the answer to my problems and escape from the world around me to a point I drank every day and when I went out I drank too much under the pretence I was enjoying myself. This had got so bad that I was worry those around me who were noticing that I was drinking too much even to the point of scaring them.

Myself I always justified it by saying what was the point of worrying about it as I had nothing to live for and it was an escape from a world I feared and believed I had no connection to. I did this even knowing it was starting to make me physically ill even overweight and it always made me feel worse the next day.

This never because truly apparent until I started to do something about my depression as my view of drink changed from being a prop to function as a human being and escape reality to something I can now take and leave. It has become something I now how to control and watch very closely all the time just in case I slip back to the old habits.

This is a far better place for me to be both physically and mentally as drink is still a part of my life but now a minor and controlled part of my life. I now drink to enjoyment when I really want to drink not when my depression wants me to drink. This in itself makes me a lot happier as I now do not wake up everyday feeling bad and ill because I drank the night before.

Both from my own experience what has come very apparent is that drinking because of the effect of depression is a slippery slope down in to the depression itself. But it also shows the sheer strength of will people who have depression have as they have within them the power to control their drinking or any addiction.

Once again this highlights depression is not illness of someone who is weak willed but an illness of someone who is far too strong willed!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

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