Depression: Far Too Self-Sufficient!

Leave a comment

What has come out from us having visitors here is that over the past years I have become once again a far too self-sufficient as a person to a point I really do not want leave the house and feel that I do not need anyone else any more.

I know why this has happened because of my depression has been very active over the past few years because of external issues which have been outside of my control. It is the major symptom of my depression as I start to build my wall and detach myself from people as defence mechanism against those things which could potentially hurt me.

So now I have to start to fight this self imposed isolation as in the end it is a far from healthy place to be. But like all things associated with depression it is never easy battle to fight as it is a matter of forcing myself out of this pattern of thinking.

So once again I have another battle to fight and win!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: The Negative Effect of An Individual

Leave a comment

What has become very clear over the past few months the negative effect an individual can have on someone who is suffering depression as for past year I have to take a course of anti-depressants because of the actions of someone at work.

Basically the person in question by their actions and their lack of understanding of the effect they can have on people they had managed to aggravate my depression to a point they managed to make me constantly anxious about trivial matters. It had got so bad it was effecting my home life and even my relationship at home.

It was not until they were moved on at work and I did not have to work with them their effect on my became very apparent to myself as a week after they left I did not need my anti-depressants and my general demeanour both at home and work improved.

The scary part of all this is the fact certain individual’s actions can have on someone who is suffering depression especially in a very negative way to a point of effecting their lives in a very drastic way even to point of destroying your life to a personal way.

In the case of this person it was they way they treated people which caused the anxiety in so much they lacked the basic understanding of how they can effect people both in a negative and positive ways. It does highlight the fact we a society should educate people more about how to deal with people even on a basic level as currently people’s lack of skills in this department is causing people issues even making others ill needlessly.

At least now I have realised what was going on so now I can fight it if it happens again.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: One Battle Won So Far!

Leave a comment

I have to say that at least I have won one battle with my depression in so much I now do not live in constant fear of everything even living a life. It is has been one of the biggest battles I had to fight against my depression and one which I suspect has changed my life in the largest way.

At the height of my depression I lived in a state of constant fear of everything including simply living itself something someone whose never suffered depression just simply do not think about or even fear. It coloured every aspect of my life from doing something as simple as meeting new people or doing something new and different. It meant that I never lived my life to it’s full potential. Then I would of never written this journal as I would be too afraid that people would judge them in negative way.

The biggest fear I had which was the most crippling of all was my fear of dying itself which caused most trouble in my old life which included me not sleeping and drinking too much in an effort to dull the pain of the fear itself. It was also the source of my most darkest thoughts at the height of my depression.

But since I have done something about my depression and learnt to live with it I now live life without fear crippling me and my fears I have are those healthy ones which keep me alive and stop me doing anything stupid. I am still afraid of dying but it now does not dominate those quiet or darker times of my life.

In the end it has changed the whole way I live and perceive the world around me as I do not see it as a place to be feared but a place which I should be curious about and live within!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Bubbles in the Quantum Static.

Depression: What Was I Doing?

Leave a comment

The one thing is worrying me currently even on my anti-depressants is an old issue when I was in my full depression of forgetting things totally just after doing them or forgetting things totally. It is a bit off putting in so much I have to constantly check if I have done something and worse for things which I do everyday such things as clocking in at work.

Though this my bit off putting but at least is not as bad as when I was deep in my depression as I constantly forgot things or wasted a lots of time worry I had forgotten something which most of the time either was not real or totally unimportant in the first place.

It certainly made my life interesting as I was never sure if I had done anything or missed something which always increased my anxiety and made the depression worse. Plus it also made my life more difficult as constantly forgetting things made if difficult to function as human being or even cope with everyday life.

This has got better as I learnt to control my depression to a point that it now only occurs when something occurs too regularly or I get stressed as I have been recently. It may still be a worrying thing at times but at least it is now an annoyance rather than barrier to myself functioning effectively.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: A World From Behind a Wall!

Leave a comment

The one thing I have started to realise as I finally started to control and live with my depression is that now I am starting to finally have real opinions about life, world around me and even political views. This is something which for most of my life because of my depression I never really had or could develop because of lack of confidence and self belief in myself.

Much as depression is described as a wall most of my life the same wall blinded me to the world around me and stopped me forming opinions even political ones. Add to this the fact that living in fear of life itself I would not stick out my neck and actually have opinions of my own always opting for the easy way out and following.

Only now can I form real opinions, including Political opinions, as now I feel confident and strong enough to back them up as I start to believe in myself for the first time I a long while. It may of taken a long time to come because of the depression but I am finally maturing and growing a person something which should of happened in my early years but not too late.

Finally as the depression is being controlled in my life I am starting to become the person I should of always been with my own opinions of life, the world and politics. It is a very nice place to be even if some of my opinions are at variance to others even offensive but that is way of such things we cannot all agree as the world would be such a boring place if we did.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Leaning Not to Live in Fear

Leave a comment

As I came out of my depression one thing I noticed is that I do not live in fear any more especially of life itself even dying. All the time I was at my height of my depression, which was decades, I lived in constant fear of everything from dying, what people thought of me to even changes of life which made life very difficult for me.

It had become something which dominated my life totally and meant I never really lived as such just existed and go through the motions of life. Then I would not even write this journal as I would of been to afraid of what people would think about it and not able to take any criticism because of it.

One thing I that has come out of me controlling depression is the fact that I do not live in fear of life any more which means I can finally live my life how I want not how others think I should.

Though one thing has come out of this I am still surrounded by people who are still living in fear of life not necessarily due to depression as their actions indicate that is they are always angry, aggressive or even not wanting to understand people just in case they show weakness hence fear. It also highlights the detrimental effect living in fear does to the people around you as it ends up hurting and frustrating people as I see now I see it from the other side.

All in all after I stopped living in fear I have started to enjoy life more and stop worrying about things which I have little real control over though it does not stop me commenting when things are wrong in my view.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Getting Know Yourself!

1 Comment

The one thing that comes out with myself suffering depression is the fact that you get very good at thinking about yourself and the way you think especially when I came out of my depression.

Though I have always been a thinker about things and life in general though I still missed the more subtle effects of depression that is the feelings of always missing things and constant anger as I always thought they were perfectly normal feelings.

But as I started to get out of my depression I started to understand that these were not normal thoughts and the result of my depression along with other feelings and thoughts. As I came out of my depression I started to learn more about myself and accept who I am including my strengths and failings.

In the end I have got to know myself much better now and most definitely happier with myself even with my failings and short comings. I still miss sometimes the depression effects but at least now I can fight back.

Finally even with my failings I do like myself something I never could do when I was suffering my depression!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Older Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 345 other followers