Depression: Quiet After the Storm!

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Once I start my anti-depressives again after a break I always feel very calm even empty headed as my mind is so quiet inside. It is a strange feeling which always a bit off putting especially when I have been through a particularly difficult time with my depression as I have been through over the past month.

At least now without the clutter of the obsessive and negative thoughts within my mind I can relax and allow back the real thoughts of things I need to do plus those creative thoughts which have been suppressed by the dark thoughts.

I will get used to the quiet mind again and once again start to live my life free from worry and regard problems as things to be solved not to be feared.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Always Feels Like a Defeat!

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When I go back onto the anti-depressants it always feels like the defeat and the depression has won but in my case it does mean I can live a normal life. That is I am free from the constant obsessive thoughts over trivial things and not constantly angry about small things which occur to everyone every day.

As every time I have talking therapy it takes very little for me to get back to what people would call normal functioning person as long as I stay on the anti-depressants it has started to make me wonder if the whole issue of my depression has a major physical component to it. It has always stuck me that I have a real physical fault within my brain and it’s associated organs.

I have always wondered if there are other people out there have the same thoughts and experiences as myself that is therapies never work as such but by simply taking anti-depressants seam to alleviate large amount of the depression and the worse of its symptoms. I must not only be only one out there who must have had the same experience.

But I looks like I may have to continue to take some form of anti-depressants for the rest of my life along with the constant nagging thought of the feeling with defeat and depression has won though the fact that I can function is a worthwhile price to pay.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Time to Fight Back!

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With the prospect of going back into an environment which will aggravate my depression I have had to over last few days had to fight the constant dark thoughts. All not helped by obsessive thoughts worrying about someone at work who frankly now such a minor player and frankly has no real effect on my job or prospects any more.

So today will be a fight back during which I will occupy myself with positive and creative things including writing for my journals. On top of which get into my own mind that work and my colleagues really do not have that much influence on my life as a whole as long I do what I expected at work that is all I can do. Any other issues at work are their problems not mine even if sometimes makes work harder for me than it should as in the end they will have to answer for their actions.

So today is putting my life into perceptive in so much I am very good at my job which is recognised by the more important people at work already. I have nice, if not perfect, home life with lovely partner and dogs who add so much to my life. On top of which other than my constant fight with my depression and it’s physical side effects my health is very good for my age.

In the end my life is not perfect but is better than most and I do really have a chance to change it for the better if I wanted to so today I will start to fight back one again from the debilitating thoughts my depression always gives me!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Stepping Back!

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Just sometimes it is good to step back from life and allow ourself time to take stock of your life as a whole and finally decide what is really important and what is trivial. All in this should be done especially if you are suffering depression as the trivial matters can cloud what is really important in your life and stop you moving on.

But as always depression makes suffers focus on matters which frankly really do not matter or should not effect or really cannot effect the course of life in my case allowing an insufficient man who really has no power of which direction my life goes or over where my life goes. If anything in comparison to other people around me is a very insufficient person who has far more problems with their life and career than I ever had and will ever get.

But depression as always makes trivial things into mountains and when it does it is time to step back and take stock of where I am in my life and in this case in the end I am good at my job, I have good home, a good partner and 3 lovely dog, one of which may drives me bad. Add to this I may be mature but with all my skills and experience I have so much to offer new employers so I should not have any issues changing jobs.

In the end if I step back from my life and stop listening to my depression my life is really not that bad but now it is a fight my depression so I can move on as the world is my oyster!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: Ignorance is not Excuse!

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Once again someone remark at work made by work colleague about depression which showed once again the ignorance of those people who have never suffered or really talked to someone who has suffered with depression.

The remarks went along the lines that you can cure depression and people use it as excuse not to do things or not work. This may be true in some cases as some people only suffer mind forms of depression caused by difficult situations and naturally stressful situations which include child birth in women.

He based his argument that depression was curable because his mother managed to get over a depression some years before and highly likely he had heard stories or experienced first hand those people who use their depression as an excuse not to work or even do anything.

I am not saying such things happen but they are not the normal state of affairs with those of us who suffer depression as some of the people with more extreme depression will never be cured and will have to learn to live with it for the rest of their lives. Plus we also understand depression as a mental illness can be very individual to the person in question. Then add to the fact once the depression is under control the depressive can function as a normal person even be very productive at work.

But in the end his remarks were a very good indicator of the ignorance, bigotry and fear people still have about mental illness especially depression. Something which those of us who had suffered the more serious forms of depression should endeavourer to correct when we encounter such things. Though sadly in this case the person in question is one of those people who believe themselves right regardless if it is wrong, that is they are not worth the effort to correct and best ignored.

In the end ignorance is not excuse to make such remarks and shows a real lack of basic humanity and empathy for the people around them. As I have said before it is all part of our modern world when people are quick to condemn but slow to understand or to lazy to ask questions!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: The Constant War!

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Last few weeks have not been best for me as I have been constantly fighting the darker side of my depression mostly which is normally suppressed by the anti-depressants. Sadly at the moment work is talking a lot out of me so I have not managed to go to the doctors yet to get the next set of anti-depressants.

But it has highlighted the constant war I have to fight with myself to stop the darker side of my depression taking over my life again. A war which I am currently finding very tiring indeed. But I suspect that I am not only depression suffer who has to fight this battle and find that the anti-depressants rather than getting rid of the war suppresses it for a while.

You might say I am a Soldier in the war against my depression which is a war I must always win!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: The Prison Warder!

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Sometimes my depression feels like a Prison Warder who locks me away inside my mind most of the time currently at the moment.

Though currently what does not help is I am surrounded by people who do not understand my depression fully and who really give so little to those around themselves in so much they are so self-centred and focused to a point they put themselves first.

But this is what modern man has become far to focused on themselves, even when they are not suffering depression, they are now very poor at functioning or even creating communities which are real basis of any human society and grouping.

This has a very detrimental effect on those of us who suffer depression as we have to already fight a self imposed isolation without fighting a society which now encourages isolation of people by preaching the virtual of individualism at the expense of community.

Here I like to point out I am not against individualism but what I do disagree with when it is at the expense of humanities natural state of living in groups and communities.

Contrary to popular belief the one thing most people with depression want is to live in isolation but live as part of a group or community, that is live in the normal state of human beings. Much like other human beings depressives need people around them to function even be creative and give some meaning to their lives.

Sadly the way our modern world this need is being met less and less by the Human Society around us which is making difficult for people who suffer depression. As after all once we actually do something about our depressions to find it really not worth it as we open up to a society which encourages isolation and discourages formation of communities.

In the end you really wonder was it worth while to actually do something about your depression because the modern society is suffering from a depression of it own which quickly drags you down again!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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