Depression: A Careless Remark Can Hurt the Most!

I suspect everyone who has suffered or is suffering depression will know this fact that a careless remark, even when made in jest, can really hurt someone who suffers depression. The other person not really understanding both the power of their words and the fact that with all the emotional, confidence and self-esteem issues a person suffering depression the words can really hurt the person suffering the depression emotionally.

They do not see the effects of their words on the person in question mainly because of a lack of understanding on their part and the person who has the depression puts on a face that everything is fine and the remark did not effect them at all. Those of us who suffer depression know we are good actors and we can hide our true emotions behind a front of being happy and well balanced behind which we are a mess of emotions!

It is not that someone not suffering depression treat people with depression with kid gloves but a simple fact people should simply learn the simple fact that what they say to someone can have a profound effect on them. This includes simple flippant remarks made in jest.

People need to be taught at school or by their parents that what they do or say to someone else can have both have a positive or negative effect on them and the lesson drummed into them. This simple lesson will make lives so much simpler when they are older and reduce the stress between people when they interact with each other.

Myself I only leant this lesson when I finally did something about my depression in my 40s at which point I woke up to the fact my actions and words did have an effect on others both in a positive and negative way. All highlighted by the fact at the height of my depression my negative attitude had a real effect on others especially those who could not cope with the attitude. Only those who who cared about me had real resilience to cope with my constant negative attitude stuck with me.

One thing someone who has learnt to live with their depression, like myself, learn as they come in terms with it, is the fact what we say and do as people has a real effect on those around us. We also learn that we have to think before we say anything to someone and watch what we say even if a flippant remark made in jest.

The one time depression has a very beneficial effect on the sufferer as we learn to live with it we learn the true power of words and what we say to others. Something sadly most people fail to learn this lesson and do damage to those around them because their lack of understanding of the power of words!

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Depression: Never Feeling Happy!

Currently my life can be difficult at times both financially and emotionally but basically it is good, settled and most definitely better than large number of people in our world. I should feel happy about this and sometimes I actually feel happy.

But as always my depression at times always robs me of the ability to actually feel happy and contented. It always make me feel like that something is missing and wrong with my life especially when I am alone and time to mull on my thoughts. As always the dark thoughts of my depression always creeps in.

Half the knack of fighting this is to focus on what is good in my life and those parts of my life which are not going so well not to allow them to colour my mood as after all a lot of the issues I really do not have control over.

Plus the Chinese Proverb ‘A problem is an opportunity waiting to happen’ fits in very well when fighting my depression.

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Depression: Another Day and Another Battle!

As always battling with my depression is a daily thing for myself something I have to do every morning just to function as a normal person. Sometimes I simply do not win and spend the rest of the day in a down feeling both tired and listless even disconnected from the world around me.

These battles are result of a catch 22 situation as I need to fight every morning but because of the battle itself tires me out so much I cannot find the energy to fight the battle. All made worse by the fact without help there seams no way out of the situation and far too easily to fall into giving in because of the depression.

The days when I do win the daily battle I do feel much better and function as what is called a normal person and actually enjoy the day. So in the end fighting the battle is always worth the effort in the end.

The days when I lose the battle it really all I want to do is scream at the world with frustration as I end up locked inside myself for another day.

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Depression: The Great Isolator!

The most terrible thing depression can do to the user is isolate them from the world around them as the suffer would rather keep away from people and groups of people to reduce the anxiety or stress of dealing with people. So in the end the suffer of depression because of the depression isolate themselves from both the people and world around them.

In the end they end up at home hiding from the world around them only leaving the house when it is absolutely necessary that if they need to buy food, things they need and to pay bills. This makes the person who suffering depression feeling worse because this self enforced isolation with the effects on the depression it makes them feel more lonely and down as they lose even more connection to the world around them.

As always with depression this becomes a viscus circle which can only be broken by person who has the depression something which is potentially difficult and impossible to do. This regardless of the great mental strength of the suffer of the depression but something the suffer has to to for their own sanity.

As always depression is that insidious illness which an trap users in a dark place they would like to escape from but feel powerless to do so.

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Depression: Put Things Off to Tomorrow!

Depression can make life of the sufferers more difficult in so much when things need doing people suffering tend to put off to tomorrow as all they see are the issues and problems associated with doing something rather than benefits it will give them.

In my case currently I am thinking of changing my broadband as I know I can get it cheaper elsewhere but I am very reluctant to change because all I can see are the problems with the change that is I have to change all my on-line accounts for various companies to the new email addresses and the such not the befits.

This may sound strange to someone who does not suffer or live with depression but to someone who suffers depression will understand that to them this can be issue as it can cause anxiety because of the issues it potentially cause them. It all to do with the nature of depression as the suffer constantly looks at the dark side of things even if a change will benefit them.

So in the end someone suffering depression life never changes for the better as they trapped in this viscus circle and end up be poor deal from life because it just too difficult to do something to make things better. It is a constant frustration to the suffer of depression which in the end makes them feel even more useless and isolated.

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Depression: The Falling Asleep Problem!

One of the few thing which can still cause some issues still even now after I learnt to live with my depression is falling asleep but for differing reasons. This time mainly because my mind is too active rather than because I have the fear that I will die in my sleep which is strangely a lot easier to cope with.

But what I find strange and little comical with the whole current falling asleep problem is now I end up in bed annoyed with the fact I am not falling asleep, thinking too much and uncomfortable because I cannot settle in bed and this is the last thing I remember. This seams to be regular occurrence especially on certain days of the week.

This is now an annoyance rather than a major issue as it used to be when I was in the depths of my depression and certainly does both my physical and mental well being more good.

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Depression: Riding the Roller-coaster!

Even after learning to live with my depression at times life is still a roller-coaster ride from high moods which I am still very active to low moods where all I want to do it sit around do nothing. The only difference now the moods are not as extreme and the cycle takes longer to change and less effected by external events and crisis.

There are also those times still fall into the real roller-coaster ride of a depression now only caused by more difficult and extreme situation in my life when I need extra help of antidepressants and therapy to get over the these periods of time. This is much like so called normal people though my down periods can be deeper and longer period.

This is all at a variance to the depth of my depression during which the roller-coaster of moods was far more extreme in so much I had times when everything was just fine and life was rosy to times when life was terrible and I wanted to find a way to end it. All this could be in the same day depending on what was happening around me and how I felt inside at the time. This certainly made being close to me more difficult as people would have to cope with the roller-coaster of moods which in itself always a tall order for anyone regardless of their mental states.

It is one of the many things I do not miss from the depths of my depression as it is always easier for myself and other that my moods do not change as much over short periods of time. It basically allows me to settle down and put more focus into following what is called a normal life not dominated by my depression.

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Depression: The Demon Drink!

After last 3 days at work with all the stress and issues there, I wanted to drink again under the pretence that I needed to relax and escape. Some 10 years ago I would of gone out and brought some red wine, got drunk and to regret it the next day because of a hangover and downs caused by the drinking itself!

At the height of my depression this was always the answer to my problems and escape from the world around me to a point I drank every day and when I went out I drank too much under the pretence I was enjoying myself. This had got so bad that I was worry those around me who were noticing that I was drinking too much even to the point of scaring them.

Myself I always justified it by saying what was the point of worrying about it as I had nothing to live for and it was an escape from a world I feared and believed I had no connection to. I did this even knowing it was starting to make me physically ill even overweight and it always made me feel worse the next day.

This never because truly apparent until I started to do something about my depression as my view of drink changed from being a prop to function as a human being and escape reality to something I can now take and leave. It has become something I now how to control and watch very closely all the time just in case I slip back to the old habits.

This is a far better place for me to be both physically and mentally as drink is still a part of my life but now a minor and controlled part of my life. I now drink to enjoyment when I really want to drink not when my depression wants me to drink. This in itself makes me a lot happier as I now do not wake up everyday feeling bad and ill because I drank the night before.

Both from my own experience what has come very apparent is that drinking because of the effect of depression is a slippery slope down in to the depression itself. But it also shows the sheer strength of will people who have depression have as they have within them the power to control their drinking or any addiction.

Once again this highlights depression is not illness of someone who is weak willed but an illness of someone who is far too strong willed!

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Depression: Far Too Self-Sufficient!

What has come out from us having visitors here is that over the past years I have become once again a far too self-sufficient as a person to a point I really do not want leave the house and feel that I do not need anyone else any more.

I know why this has happened because of my depression has been very active over the past few years because of external issues which have been outside of my control. It is the major symptom of my depression as I start to build my wall and detach myself from people as defence mechanism against those things which could potentially hurt me.

So now I have to start to fight this self imposed isolation as in the end it is a far from healthy place to be. But like all things associated with depression it is never easy battle to fight as it is a matter of forcing myself out of this pattern of thinking.

So once again I have another battle to fight and win!

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Depression: The Negative Effect of An Individual

What has become very clear over the past few months the negative effect an individual can have on someone who is suffering depression as for past year I have to take a course of anti-depressants because of the actions of someone at work.

Basically the person in question by their actions and their lack of understanding of the effect they can have on people they had managed to aggravate my depression to a point they managed to make me constantly anxious about trivial matters. It had got so bad it was effecting my home life and even my relationship at home.

It was not until they were moved on at work and I did not have to work with them their effect on my became very apparent to myself as a week after they left I did not need my anti-depressants and my general demeanour both at home and work improved.

The scary part of all this is the fact certain individual’s actions can have on someone who is suffering depression especially in a very negative way to a point of effecting their lives in a very drastic way even to point of destroying your life to a personal way.

In the case of this person it was they way they treated people which caused the anxiety in so much they lacked the basic understanding of how they can effect people both in a negative and positive ways. It does highlight the fact we a society should educate people more about how to deal with people even on a basic level as currently people’s lack of skills in this department is causing people issues even making others ill needlessly.

At least now I have realised what was going on so now I can fight it if it happens again.

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Depression: One Battle Won So Far!

I have to say that at least I have won one battle with my depression in so much I now do not live in constant fear of everything even living a life. It is has been one of the biggest battles I had to fight against my depression and one which I suspect has changed my life in the largest way.

At the height of my depression I lived in a state of constant fear of everything including simply living itself something someone whose never suffered depression just simply do not think about or even fear. It coloured every aspect of my life from doing something as simple as meeting new people or doing something new and different. It meant that I never lived my life to it’s full potential. Then I would of never written this journal as I would be too afraid that people would judge them in negative way.

The biggest fear I had which was the most crippling of all was my fear of dying itself which caused most trouble in my old life which included me not sleeping and drinking too much in an effort to dull the pain of the fear itself. It was also the source of my most darkest thoughts at the height of my depression.

But since I have done something about my depression and learnt to live with it I now live life without fear crippling me and my fears I have are those healthy ones which keep me alive and stop me doing anything stupid. I am still afraid of dying but it now does not dominate those quiet or darker times of my life.

In the end it has changed the whole way I live and perceive the world around me as I do not see it as a place to be feared but a place which I should be curious about and live within!

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Depression: What Was I Doing?

The one thing is worrying me currently even on my anti-depressants is an old issue when I was in my full depression of forgetting things totally just after doing them or forgetting things totally. It is a bit off putting in so much I have to constantly check if I have done something and worse for things which I do everyday such things as clocking in at work.

Though this my bit off putting but at least is not as bad as when I was deep in my depression as I constantly forgot things or wasted a lots of time worry I had forgotten something which most of the time either was not real or totally unimportant in the first place.

It certainly made my life interesting as I was never sure if I had done anything or missed something which always increased my anxiety and made the depression worse. Plus it also made my life more difficult as constantly forgetting things made if difficult to function as human being or even cope with everyday life.

This has got better as I learnt to control my depression to a point that it now only occurs when something occurs too regularly or I get stressed as I have been recently. It may still be a worrying thing at times but at least it is now an annoyance rather than barrier to myself functioning effectively.

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Depression: A World From Behind a Wall!

The one thing I have started to realise as I finally started to control and live with my depression is that now I am starting to finally have real opinions about life, world around me and even political views. This is something which for most of my life because of my depression I never really had or could develop because of lack of confidence and self belief in myself.

Much as depression is described as a wall most of my life the same wall blinded me to the world around me and stopped me forming opinions even political ones. Add to this the fact that living in fear of life itself I would not stick out my neck and actually have opinions of my own always opting for the easy way out and following.

Only now can I form real opinions, including Political opinions, as now I feel confident and strong enough to back them up as I start to believe in myself for the first time I a long while. It may of taken a long time to come because of the depression but I am finally maturing and growing a person something which should of happened in my early years but not too late.

Finally as the depression is being controlled in my life I am starting to become the person I should of always been with my own opinions of life, the world and politics. It is a very nice place to be even if some of my opinions are at variance to others even offensive but that is way of such things we cannot all agree as the world would be such a boring place if we did.

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Depression: Leaning Not to Live in Fear

As I came out of my depression one thing I noticed is that I do not live in fear any more especially of life itself even dying. All the time I was at my height of my depression, which was decades, I lived in constant fear of everything from dying, what people thought of me to even changes of life which made life very difficult for me.

It had become something which dominated my life totally and meant I never really lived as such just existed and go through the motions of life. Then I would not even write this journal as I would of been to afraid of what people would think about it and not able to take any criticism because of it.

One thing I that has come out of me controlling depression is the fact that I do not live in fear of life any more which means I can finally live my life how I want not how others think I should.

Though one thing has come out of this I am still surrounded by people who are still living in fear of life not necessarily due to depression as their actions indicate that is they are always angry, aggressive or even not wanting to understand people just in case they show weakness hence fear. It also highlights the detrimental effect living in fear does to the people around you as it ends up hurting and frustrating people as I see now I see it from the other side.

All in all after I stopped living in fear I have started to enjoy life more and stop worrying about things which I have little real control over though it does not stop me commenting when things are wrong in my view.

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Depression: Getting Know Yourself!

The one thing that comes out with myself suffering depression is the fact that you get very good at thinking about yourself and the way you think especially when I came out of my depression.

Though I have always been a thinker about things and life in general though I still missed the more subtle effects of depression that is the feelings of always missing things and constant anger as I always thought they were perfectly normal feelings.

But as I started to get out of my depression I started to understand that these were not normal thoughts and the result of my depression along with other feelings and thoughts. As I came out of my depression I started to learn more about myself and accept who I am including my strengths and failings.

In the end I have got to know myself much better now and most definitely happier with myself even with my failings and short comings. I still miss sometimes the depression effects but at least now I can fight back.

Finally even with my failings I do like myself something I never could do when I was suffering my depression!

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