I have to say that at least I have won one battle with my depression in so much I now do not live in constant fear of everything even living a life. It is has been one of the biggest battles I had to fight against my depression and one which I suspect has changed my life in the largest way.
At the height of my depression I lived in a state of constant fear of everything including simply living itself something someone whose never suffered depression just simply do not think about or even fear. It coloured every aspect of my life from doing something as simple as meeting new people or doing something new and different. It meant that I never lived my life to it’s full potential. Then I would of never written this journal as I would be too afraid that people would judge them in negative way.
The biggest fear I had which was the most crippling of all was my fear of dying itself which caused most trouble in my old life which included me not sleeping and drinking too much in an effort to dull the pain of the fear itself. It was also the source of my most darkest thoughts at the height of my depression.
But since I have done something about my depression and learnt to live with it I now live life without fear crippling me and my fears I have are those healthy ones which keep me alive and stop me doing anything stupid. I am still afraid of dying but it now does not dominate those quiet or darker times of my life.
In the end it has changed the whole way I live and perceive the world around me as I do not see it as a place to be feared but a place which I should be curious about and live within!
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