Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDLVII

Leave a comment

Another day at work ahead though at the moment it feel slightly out of it because I am getting used to being on anti-depressants again. On top of which the next few days I will be fighting the physical side effects of the anti-depressants which include feeling sick and strangely can wake the depression worse before things get better.

But at least I can start again looking forward to the future and new job once I can decide what I actually want to do for a new job. Plus I am starting to think about the social side of my life again and finding Role-Playing Group in my local area so my life becomes more than just work, home and virtual worlds.

All much needed as it will stop me feeling so isolated from people and the world around me. After all writing these journals can only go so far to connect me to world but definitely better than nothing.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Quiet After the Storm!

Leave a comment

Once I start my anti-depressives again after a break I always feel very calm even empty headed as my mind is so quiet inside. It is a strange feeling which always a bit off putting especially when I have been through a particularly difficult time with my depression as I have been through over the past month.

At least now without the clutter of the obsessive and negative thoughts within my mind I can relax and allow back the real thoughts of things I need to do plus those creative thoughts which have been suppressed by the dark thoughts.

I will get used to the quiet mind again and once again start to live my life free from worry and regard problems as things to be solved not to be feared.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Depression: Always Feels Like a Defeat!

Leave a comment

When I go back onto the anti-depressants it always feels like the defeat and the depression has won but in my case it does mean I can live a normal life. That is I am free from the constant obsessive thoughts over trivial things and not constantly angry about small things which occur to everyone every day.

As every time I have talking therapy it takes very little for me to get back to what people would call normal functioning person as long as I stay on the anti-depressants it has started to make me wonder if the whole issue of my depression has a major physical component to it. It has always stuck me that I have a real physical fault within my brain and it’s associated organs.

I have always wondered if there are other people out there have the same thoughts and experiences as myself that is therapies never work as such but by simply taking anti-depressants seam to alleviate large amount of the depression and the worse of its symptoms. I must not only be only one out there who must have had the same experience.

But I looks like I may have to continue to take some form of anti-depressants for the rest of my life along with the constant nagging thought of the feeling with defeat and depression has won though the fact that I can function is a worthwhile price to pay.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDLVI

Leave a comment

It not been the best start to the week with usual issues of lack of money our end to do anything we like to do though we have managed to dodge the problem this time and highly likely we will again as we always have knack of living by seat of our pants.

Work strangely after the holiday started off remarkably quiet though I think because some people have had nasty shock they have to actually work for their living. Strangely I am filling in for the lack of capable staff at work so once again not doing the much needed job I am actually paid to do.

All I can say welcome to modern business practices when they employ too few people without the full set of skill to do the jobs they are given are in effort to keep the cost down. Then they wonder why British worker is not as productive as the Government claim as the employers fail to pay the workers a real living wage and fail to give them the training to the jobs in the first place.

Now I am back on the anti-depressants again my mind has settled down and once again can get focus on important thing again like getting new job rather than be occupied by trivial matters which frankly really should not even a second thought as I have no real control over them. It always works like this when I start off the anti-depressants something one of my Doctors claimed this never happened which just showed how little they know about depression itself.

So as usual life goes on and I am trying to focus so hard on the more positive aspects of my life in effort I can start to move forward and not get trapped in the negative aspects of my life and not move on!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDLV

Leave a comment

Regardless I am not looking forward to work tomorrow because of the people and atmosphere I am going into which is effecting my depression adversely, I have managed today to have a better attitude about the world around me.

All helped by the fact I have managed to sit down and write some journal entries though as always never the best writing. But as always they have served their purpose in so much they help me cope with my depression and the world around me.

So in the end today has been a nice relaxing day which has got my mood in a stable and contented mood which is different and more positive than the last few days. It will be much needed in the next few days as I ease myself into work again.

I have being telling self all today that I should not allow work to grind me down as it is not that important to my life. That is I only have one life to live and get right and I can always get another job if the current one is not right. This is far more healthier view of life than lot people around me who put too much emphasis on work rather than their life.

Now I have actually dome something to find Role-Players in my local area I have started to think of the sort of Pole-Playing Game I’d like to run and going back to one of my old favourites which is a Vampire: The Masquerade Chronicle. I have always loved running such games especially when the players themselves determine the general direction of the chronicle plus I also want to find out how a Chronicle format I have played before actually pans out.

So in the end today has been a better day than in a long while and I am in the end not as worried about tomorrow and work as I was over the last few days.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Lonely Times Writing!

Leave a comment

Just some times when I sit in front of my laptop writing my journals I feel more alone and remote from the world around me even knowing that someone reads the journal entries.

But I think because the fact actually writing is something you have to by yourself that is either you are by yourself with a laptop or piece of paper in front of you it fires my depression because of that. It’s the fact that you get no real feed back instantly or feels like you have actually achieved or created anything as such.

All this not helped by the fact anything I have done with my life has had a more tangible result to it be it computer programming to merchandising a shop. That is you can actually see what you have created and achieved by doing something.

I still have to get my mind around writing itself is a very personal affair which the results are just ideas and the such in words which can be read by others so it has not real tangible result as the other things I have done elsewhere in my life.

So sometimes I feel both so lonely writing and if I have not achieved a thing regardless of the fact I have!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Time for a Redefined Union!

Leave a comment

With the Scottish National Party winning nearly all the seats within Scotland and an already unpopular Conservative Government in Westminster has brought forward the idea of more regional government within the United Kingdom even England.

Add to this recently a sizeable majority of people of North of England via a hashtag on Twitter indicated that they rather join Scotland than be ruled by a Conservative Government in Westminster sort of says it all about how people outside of London especially in the Midlands and the North are fed up of the London based government which they perceive fails to put their interests first just that of London and the South first.

Myself it is time for all of us within England itself to demand more regional autonomy and government which can look after the needs of the regions far better than a government in Westminster which currently is too removed from the people it represents mostly due to the way it functions. Add to this it will return the government back to the control of the people rather than an elite few as it currently is.

This is now not a pipe dream any more but a necessary to keep our democracy and our freedoms alive in the modern world as we leave things as they are currently are we will see an erosion of both our democracy and freedoms by elite few who will get more powerful and remote.

Personally it is time those of us in the regions of England, Wales and Scotland started to demand proper autonomy from Westminster and Parliament itself. This meaning proper autonomy for a region of the United Kingdom not just certain Cities as the current Conservative Government in Westminster proposes.

So it is time we all worked for a new more representative and democratic government here in the United Kingdom which representes everyone an in new Union of regional governments rather than currently by unified government which does not even represent the people it claims to do so.

All this is long overdue here in the United Kingdom!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Older Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 300 other followers