Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

I have had my second Clinical Psychologist appointment last week which was an interesting and productive in so much it has shown me that I am starting to move forward mentally with coping with the effects of my tumour and chemotherapy. One thing that came out of this appointment I need to stop trying to do too much at once and end up doing nothing because I have tired myself out. So from now on on the advise of the Phycologist I will start to break things down into smaller tasks which will be easier to do and not tire myself as quickly.

For those who are not going through what I am going through, the Chemotherapy, takes a lot out of me to a point I am constantly tired even if I have enough sleep. It makes everyday living more difficult and frustrating as you have not energy to do anything and if you do something you are very fatigued after it. In the end if you are not careful you end up with whole days when all you can do is dose or sleep. It is not a pleasant place to be as you start to think you are wasting your life doing nothing when you have little real choice in the matter.

During the appointment I have found that I do not fear death any more because of what happened now I feel sadness about dying as my connection to this world will be gone forever. This in itself is a step forward as now I can live the rest of my life without the fear of death marring my life. This in the past has been a big issue in my life as the fear my my life darker and more fearful but now it is realise to finally live my life.

So now another battle has to be fought to find a way I can work around the constant fatigue and start to move my life forward to a point where I can finally control its direction free from the distractions from people and events which frankly will become unimportant in my future. I need to surround myself with people who are more open minded, creative and imaginative and turn my back on those people who cannot move forward and have closed minds. I need to do this so I can grow as a person and turn my current situation in to positive thing.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

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In the end today has been stressful day as I finally got around to taking my current ISP to task over the current performance of my Broadband. It is one of those situations when all diagnostics indicated the broadband is fine but it is most definitely not as if a large amount of data goes down the broadband it slows down to a point that likes of World of Warcraft becomes unplayable.

So I expected a difficult call to the ISP and I was not disappointed as I got the impression from them as their diagnostics indicated no issues they were not prepared to listen to me with the effect I had to end the call because it has started to stress me out too much. But I did make sure they called me back so I can put in an official complaint about them not listening to what I said and taking our issues seriously.

I was getting stressed out as they were refusing to look into the issue because they believed everything was right at our end and tried to blame our equipment our end. An argument which frankly holds no water as nothing has changed here since the issues started. Tat is before all this sorry affair started our broadband functioned with no issues and World of Warcraft was playable.

I have not told them yet I am going through the stress of Tumour and resulting Chemotherapy as I will drop this bombshell once it has be sorted to my satisfaction at which point they will be scolded for putting me through hell at a difficult time of my life.

It not a battle I wanted to fight but after my treatment at work it is a battle I am going to fight and win. It sort of reflects my life as I am too much of a nice guy which others take an advantage of which usually means I get the worse end of the stick a large majority of the time. I am not saying that being a nice guy is a bad thing but too many people abuse this fact for their own ends and to the disadvantage of a nice guy.

Frankly I am fed up of it with those around me who use underhand tactics of guilt trips to get me to do things. It really does not do my mental health any good and undermines my own self-confidence and self-image.

At the moment I feel tearful and down because of today as call to ISP has taken a lot out of me both physically and emotionally. I really do not want to go to work tomorrow because of all the stress at work most of which I have no real control over and in the large number of cases are unnecessary and could of been avoided if people put their minds to it.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

Another weeks starts with the constant battle against my Chemotherapy making feel ill and getting me down because of its effects it is having on me both physically and mentally. Also a battle with those around me who see someone who is well on the outside who needs understanding about their situation not sympathy as they seam to think. Frankly sympathy does little to improve my situation but understanding helps as it eases it as it highlights why I need some leeway in my everyday activities.

This last part is a battle I do not want to fight as I cannot afford the energy and time wasted on things which frankly people should know already. But as always fear of my situation clouds their reactions to my situation. Much like mental health, cancer is simply not talked about because people still think they can catch it if they talk about it. I find this attitude disturbing and saddening as by avoiding and not talking about these subjects makes people’s situations worse on both sides.

There I am expecting adult and mature reactions from people around me as just because I have had to accepted my situation and facing up to it the best I can. I have to telling myself not every is like myself and each person reacts differently to my situation. It is a fault of mine as if I can cope I question just why other people cannot cope?

This is going to be a constant theme of my life from now on coping with every scare my tumour will or could throw at me and not allowing it to blight what I have left of my life. At some points like now I will become obsessed with my situation and health especially when I am going through treatment to stop my tumour coming back. It is something which is perfectly natural and all part of being a Human Being.

One positive thing is that all through this I am getting stronger mentally and coping remarkably well considering this time last year I could of bled to death if my partner had not bullied me to go to Hospital. I now worry less about death and worry more about not living a life a change of attitude which bodes well for my future. Each day I amaze myself the fact I am alive and still functioning.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

What Do I Want?

Posted: 11 August, 2019 in Brexit, Comment, Life, Politics, United Kingdom

I made the comment on a social network that I would not become the monster the Brexiteers want me to become.

I said this because Brexit will turn the United Kingdom into an intolerant, racist and isolationist country much as the Britain depicted in the film V for Vendetta. The only way to survive such a country you would have to become a monster who turns a blind eye to the abuses of human rights because the government removes anyone who does not fit into their own narrow twisted morality that is anyone who is not white, homosexual or Christian.

I could not remain silent I would have to speak out anyway I could even if it meant I was imprisoned or disappeared.

Of cause there are those out there who say my view of a post-Brexit United Kingdom is very dark and say it will never happen here. But the writing is already on the wall as our current Prime Minister and the Conservative Party are prepared to compromise our Democracy so they can get their Brexit at any cost.

This further supported by Conservative Ministers and MPs openly saying they want to spy on us more, remove our rights especially connected to work even push those who supported the United Kingdom remaining in the EU. All very reminiscent of 1930s Germany and the rise of the National Socialist Party under Hitler.

History is repeating itself in modern Britain and people are once again turning a blind eye to it as they want an easy life rather than fight for what they know I right.

I have got side tracked but I felt I needed to explain why I said what I said.

On the social network someone asked me what did I want to happen here in the United Kingdom now to which I answered I wanted people in the United Kingdom to remember that they are Human Beings which would be a start.

It may sounds very simple but if we remember we are Human Beings, we will remember that we are all mortal and all the same under the skin regardless of our beliefs, sexual orientation and colour of skin.

It would be a small start in the right direction.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

I am recovering from another long week at work at which I pushed myself once again to the limit all because of guilt trips put on my by those who really know better. Myself it has been a stressful week at work all caused by those not being strong enough to tell people no hence backing themselves into a difficult position. What really annoyed me I and others are expected to fill the gap of their own making without complaining.

All made worse by constant lack of real understanding of my position especially with the fact that when I have the energy I look well and feel good bar a few twinges around my scar and stomach. All not surprising considering the trauma of the operation. All made sightly worse as one person in question will find themselves in a potentially worse position as they get older because of a condition which will go away unlike my own which has real possibility of never returning.

I suspect it is done out of fear and ignorance of what I am going through because I have Tumour something closely related to a Cancer. It is as if if they treat me as normal or push me in attempt to get me to leave they will not catch my Cancer or have to face the fact that they themselves or someone near them will have a Cancer.

It reflects our new modern world in which people do not face their fears or difficult situations and try to push away or ignore those responsible for creating said situations. It is a sad state of affairs and we wonder why our world has stopped moving forward. After recent events in my life I have come to the conclusion it really is not healthy situation to be in as nothing will be resolved and the issues will get worse.

In the end if those around me keep doing on this course of actions it will mean I will just walk away from them as frankly I really do not want to work with or associate with people who hide from their fears and problems as it will not help me. Currently I need to face up and discuss my problems as I do not get the luxury to ignore them as by doing so will reduce the time I have on this Earth.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

Reading and Imagination

Posted: 10 August, 2019 in Comment, imagination, Life, reading

I work with some different people one of which who read books and they are worried how well written it is, and yes a very poorly written book can be difficult to read.

But it showed they read the book rather than read the book with their imagination as I do. When I read a book I allow my mind’s eye imagine the images the words of the book creates in my own mind.

It is something I have always done helped by a fact my family never suppressed my imagination and I never allowed my school and peers at work grind down my imagination.

Imagination is important to my sanity and creativity as it underpins who I am.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

My scar today reminded me that it was still there as I have managed to make it sore by lifting a Television at work as really stupid thing to do even now. So now when I touch a part of it it is sore which is a reminder that I need to slow down and a second such warning over the past few months. But as always I am finding it difficult to slow down at work because of the pressure put on me by those around me, some what unfairly, to keep going at my old speed.

I should finally take onboard the warning as the next time I may not be so lucky with the real possibility that I will end up in Hospital. But it is how I break it to my managers that I need to take things even easier in the future without turning a uninteresting job into a really boring job which in the end will make me even worse mentally.

At the moment I really need to start to put some serious thought into finding a better balance between my work and life as at the moment work is taking up too much of my energy leaving me nothing for life outside of work. It is not healthy place to be for me at the moment as the tumour has reminded me that my time on Earth is limited and I should not waste it on things which frankly bring little real colour and quality to my life.

It would be better for me to to go out of this life with a bang rather than with a whimper after all I also have to contemplate the dark side of my situation as there is always a possibility things could go wrong over the next few years. Some people will find what I just said a bit grim but I also need to be both realistic and optimistic about my current situation.

But as always I have to fight myself and my fatigue to move on which currently is an uphill battle as always.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to Freinds by Gas Light!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my on-line scrapbook just follow the link to The Aethernaut’s Halt.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.