It has taken me a year and over 6 months talking to a psychologist I have finally got to a point where I am strong enough mentally to start taking back control of my life after the tumour was taken out. It has been a difficult journey to get there and I am under know illusion that I still have a long way to go still. In itself this has made me feel better in myself but it is going to put some people’s noses out of joint especially at where I work.
Over the next weeks I will need to talk to work as I need to change the priority of my life from just working, sleeping and eating so I can just earn enough to live to make sure that I am both physically and mentally strong enough to fight the return of the tumour or to fight it if the treatment fails and it returns. It is going to be a difficult for those who manage me at work but for myself it is something I need to do as now I have to put myself first especially over the next 2 years.
Considering the fact just over a year ago the tumour could have been indirectly responsible for killing me if it had not been found so the past year has been a bonus another year of life which I could never had. I owe it to myself, surgeons and those who nursed me back to health to do something more with my life rather than just existing.
It sounds selfish but especially over the next 2 years while I am going through the Chemotherapy treatment I need to put myself first and work far down my list of priorities to a point it becomes an ends to a means and not as in the past the thing which dominated my life.
Now I have been given a chance of more years of life I rather not waste them living a life totally dominated by work but a fuller life as I do not know how many years I have got left. Plus I really owe it to myself.
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