Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

It definitely looks like the stress and perceived unhappiness of my life has had a real negative effect on my general physical health in so much the constant headaches and stomach issues which always go away once I start to do something positive. It has certainly highlighted the fact I need to move my life forward before the physical symptoms become more serious or full blown illnesses.

But as always I find myself trapped somewhere where I do not want to be that is inside my head. To move forward I need to go into the outside world and meet people but currently all I want to do is avoid people and outside world as both are driving my depression into a dark place again.

I am back in a catch 22 situation which I need to break as soon as possible as lounging in self pity is not a very productive or pleasant place to be.

Not everything in my life is doom and gloom as I am started to write slowly again but I have started again though as most things it takes a lot of digging down within myself to actually do it. But it need to be done as I need to encourage my creativity and use my imagination again. All needed to be done so I can survive the darkening world around me.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

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I think I finally broke the back of the ongoing headache simply by watching a DVD of a film I liked last night which I suspect finally relaxed me enough to ignore the headache itself. It is still there in the background and I suspect it will be for a while until I start to change certain aspects of my life.

Ahead is a week of keeping busy with chores all needed to be done which hopefully will not be too stressful in the end. Plus I need to get back to writing again as I have so much to do and it will help to reduce the stress in my life.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

In the end it looks like the headache is going to take a long time to go and highly likely return when I go back to work because of the toxic world around me which there seams no real escape from. I keep trying to move forward but the oppressive and negative world around me in the end always puts me in a mood of disrepair and get me think why should I bother as nothing will come from what I do.

So in the end I do nothing but feel bad both mentally and physically to a point of wondering if life itself is really worth the effort. This never helps my depression if anything makes it worse.

But the one thing that always keeps me going is that constant thought deep within my own mind which always stops me giving up. A thought that giving up would be the wrong thing to do and the world can be changed even if it my own intimidate world. At the moment half of my trouble I cannot drag these thoughts deep from my mind.

So as always I plod on.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

Finally after almost week the headache and stomach ache are starting to ease off though with the help of strategic pain killers. I really hate being laid low by illness especially that caused by unwanted stress from a job which should nt have the stress.

Also helps that finally starting to write and think about the next part of the Vampire: The Masquerade Chronicle I can currently running which has finally focused me on something which is far more positive and creative than the world around me.

Being creative, imaginative and being different is definitely a tonic to myself releasing me from the stress of a world which has become grey and unimaginative along with it’s people. It certainly points to fact I should strive to be more creative and imaginative in my life to counteract the stresses caused by world and people around me.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

What a fun first week of my holiday which has been a week of myself being constantly feeling ill with a headache which has laid me low most of the week. As you gather I am little pissed with life and work at the moment as a week which I wanted to do a lot and enjoy has turned out to be a week of constant pain in the background and feeling sorry for myself.

It has been one of those times if I did not need the job to pay the bills I would go into work and tell them to stuff their job up their capitalist asses as I believe it has been largely responsible for the constant illness and stress I am currently experiencing.

It one of those days when I am angry at the world not helped by the fact the headache makes me feel frustrated with myself and the world. Hopefully at some point today I will start to feel better enough to actually do something.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

Still looks like today I will be fighting the constant headache yet again though at least today it should be easier as it is finally becoming liveable. It looks like it was more than stress but feels like yet another bug I got from work which is insisting on ruining my holiday from work.

But things have started to move forward finally here though at a slow rate currently mostly because work is not interfering with my life currently. The CV has been sent to someone who will update it so it can be used on line to find a new job which should allow me to move on with my life.

Add to this I have finally started to write the next section of the Vampire: The Masquerade Chronicle for the new Role-Playing group I am trying to create locally. Once started hopefully the ideas for the next section will come flooding in though I suspect old enemies within the chronicle will follow some of the Players within the chronicle.

At least this a positive thing in my life currently as this constant feeling unwell is really starting to get me down. All because it makes basic living a constant core and far from any fun for myself. I am getting to a point is living really worthwhile if I am going to be constantly ill!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.

I spoke too soon as the headache and stomach issues have not gone away because I was away from work if anything they are back with a vengeance. I should have a busy week ahead doing chores and starting role-playing but the plans are being put on hold as when I start anything my head starts to pound.

It seams that life itself rather than work is responsible for the physical issues though I am still attempting to change things in my life currently with little real success. As I have said before it is a real catch 22 situation as myself constantly feeling under the weather tends to put me off changing things when it is highly likely by changing things will remove most of the issues I am currently experiencing.

So mow this week will be fighting the physical symptoms to get anything done but I need to so I actually feel like I have achieved something rather than wasted another week of my life in a state of self pity.

I really need to bite the bullet with my role-playing and start writing again as I am missing it greatly. Also I suspect that once I start it will start to make myself feel better in myself.

As always with my life it is fight against self pity and apathy!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal miscellany of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to The Abode of The Steam Powered Story Teller.

Please Note: If you are interested in my new venture a local role-playing group specialising in story telling systems just follow the link to The Enlightened Company of Role-Players of Stafford.