Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDL

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I am a having a rare restful Bank Holiday weekend all helped by the fact I am starting two weeks holiday from work which is much needed. It is only been two days into the holiday and I am already starting to forget about the stresses and hassle I get from work. Strangely my mood has been far better this weekend along wit a reduction of the general ache and pains I usually get.

All this points towards a fact that where I work is not doing me any good if anything it is making me feel both mentally and physically ill even if the effect are mild. I should really take it as a subtle hint that I should change my job sooner than later as work itself should not have such effect on anyone.

Plus a change may inspire me outside of work to start to rebuild a social life rather than currently constantly feeling sleepy, antisocial and lost as I do now. But as always it is a fight with myself to get the inclination to do something as if I am in a viscous circle of apathy.

Outside of this general feeling lost I have had a productive week finally finding an operating system for my main computer which I could use all because the previous Linux I was using, Crunchbang, has stopped being supported. The strangest thing of all is not that I chose in the end one of the standard Linux distributions with a light desktop, namely Debian 8 with a LXDE desktop. But in the end it has turned out to be a stable Linux which run fast on the older hardware I have here.

One thing that did come out of my search for a Linux distribution was once again the Ubuntu distributions were very disappointing they may have been stable but in the end has too many glitches in the background which made it very disappointing. Though once again the Debian distributions turned out to be the more stable, universal and usable Linux distributions and I should of not been surprised as I have always had a bad experience with Ubuntu distributions so far.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

My Life: A Change of Emphasis!

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It is high time I change the focus of my life from work to outside of work as currently I am once again putting work first at the expense of the rest of my life to a point it is making me ill again. It is starting to effect the quality of my life in a very detrimental way in so much I am getting very frustrated by the fact that all my life currently seams to far too dominated by work leaving no time for anything else.

So it is time to put work into perspective in so much it is an end to a means in so much it a way to earn money to do far more important and fulfilling things outside of work. I must start to detach myself from work, even at work, to a point to do what I need and not bring it home which currently ruins my home life.

Also at the same time I should start to make an effort outside of work to start to build a new social life outside of work even within Second Life rather than currently allowing work to stop me or give me excuse not to do anything.

Add to this I want to focus more on my creative side especially my journal writing and Role-Playing Games which add far more positive and productive aspect to my life which is much needed at the moment.

But in the end because of my depression this will be a battle with myself as I will want to is wallow in my own self pity lamenting just how bad my life is. So all I can do is start to fight the good fight and move on in small steps but always forward.

So I charge everyone out there who knows me to start to push me to change my life even if I moan at them!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: Stepping Back!

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Just sometimes it is good to step back from life and allow ourself time to take stock of your life as a whole and finally decide what is really important and what is trivial. All in this should be done especially if you are suffering depression as the trivial matters can cloud what is really important in your life and stop you moving on.

But as always depression makes suffers focus on matters which frankly really do not matter or should not effect or really cannot effect the course of life in my case allowing an insufficient man who really has no power of which direction my life goes or over where my life goes. If anything in comparison to other people around me is a very insufficient person who has far more problems with their life and career than I ever had and will ever get.

But depression as always makes trivial things into mountains and when it does it is time to step back and take stock of where I am in my life and in this case in the end I am good at my job, I have good home, a good partner and 3 lovely dog, one of which may drives me bad. Add to this I may be mature but with all my skills and experience I have so much to offer new employers so I should not have any issues changing jobs.

In the end if I step back from my life and stop listening to my depression my life is really not that bad but now it is a fight my depression so I can move on as the world is my oyster!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

UKIP: The Damp Squib!

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I have been half watching the position of UKIP in the polls for the General Elections here in the United Kingdom and frankly with all the propaganda and counter propaganda from UKIP and anti-UKIP groups frankly UKIP position has not changed a bit.

It struck me that Nigel Farage and UKIP have fallen into the same trap as the major Political Parties here in the General Election in so much their political campaign has not exactly memorable, if anything in case of UKIP been a disaster in so much their election campaign has highlighted their lack of unity and real policies of the party.

With all his bravado Nigel Farage and his party UKIP has failed to light a spark in those more ignorant and bigoted sections of our society here in the United Kingdom, In the end much like BNP before them when it comes down fact people have to vote in the General Election they may have minor success here and there but UKIP like BNP before them will fade away into the background a minor insignificant party.

The wild claims and counter claims of UKIP and anti-UKIP about the fact if they are doing well or not has been one of the few highlights of the General Election Campaign especially that of UKIP and Nigel Farage that they will be part of the Coalition which will form the next government. This frankly unlikely to happen as no major Political Party would want to be associated with UKIP as it would be disastrous for them.

On a more serious note those of us who oppose the right wing parties, likes of UKIP and BNP, should not be complacent not to vote in the General Election regardless of the fact their election campaigns are dying on their feet because such apathy will mean they could get in a position of power!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

There’s a General Election On?

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At the moment you not know there is a General Election here in the United Kingdom on the 5th May as none in general are really paying any real attention to the General Election Campaigns of any political party here!

It has been most low key, lack lustre and poorly publicised General Election which has occurred in my life time and the only reason any one has any idea there is an election going on is that the polling cards have come through the post.

It struck me that all the major parties have simply given up and accepted that few people are going to vote and the country is heading for yet another coalition government rather than do what they should of done which was to seize the day and fight for power.

What we have got from all the major Political Parties here in the United Kingdom is the same old policies wrapped up in less than inspiring wrappings and frankly none of them deserve to get into government as none have proved to myself and I suspect others that they actually deserve a chance in government.

Even the inter party bitching and accusations which usually accompany a General Election here has been very tame compared to previous years.

So in the my end my advice is to vote for any political party outside of the major Political Parties and UKIP, that is vote for the only Political Parties who have bothered to have new and different policies. Myself it looks like I will be voting for the Green Party not because I agree with all their policies, I don’t, but because in my opinion as a Political Party they are a viable alternative to the mainstream Political Parties.

My final bit of advice I would avoid voting for the right-wing, anti-European and anti-Muslim parties, which include UKIP and BNP, as much like the major Political Parties their message is as sad and old as the major political parties and full of hate something we do not need at Westminster currently!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXLIX

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Currently I am annoyed with the fact that I am constantly tired after work which is indicated by the fact I am falling asleep or hour or so after arriving back home from work. All made worse by the fact that I am not overly stressed at work as certain people are not at work. I am going to have to keep an eye on this as it is a bit worrying as it could be indicator I am not well or something is stressing me in the background.

Other than that my creativity is still very slow at the moment only come in small bursts which are separated by creative deserts which always result in myself becoming very frustrated because of it. Though not helped at the moment by myself feeling I am trapped in a life I really do not want. This has the effect of myself feeling hopeless and useless which always kills off my creativity.

This has been exacerbated by the fact my depression has robbed me of my get up and go once again which always stops me actually changing my life even if I so desperately want too. Just got to love the constant fight with myself to change which currently I am losing!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Depression: Ignorance is not Excuse!

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Once again someone remark at work made by work colleague about depression which showed once again the ignorance of those people who have never suffered or really talked to someone who has suffered with depression.

The remarks went along the lines that you can cure depression and people use it as excuse not to do things or not work. This may be true in some cases as some people only suffer mind forms of depression caused by difficult situations and naturally stressful situations which include child birth in women.

He based his argument that depression was curable because his mother managed to get over a depression some years before and highly likely he had heard stories or experienced first hand those people who use their depression as an excuse not to work or even do anything.

I am not saying such things happen but they are not the normal state of affairs with those of us who suffer depression as some of the people with more extreme depression will never be cured and will have to learn to live with it for the rest of their lives. Plus we also understand depression as a mental illness can be very individual to the person in question. Then add to the fact once the depression is under control the depressive can function as a normal person even be very productive at work.

But in the end his remarks were a very good indicator of the ignorance, bigotry and fear people still have about mental illness especially depression. Something which those of us who had suffered the more serious forms of depression should endeavourer to correct when we encounter such things. Though sadly in this case the person in question is one of those people who believe themselves right regardless if it is wrong, that is they are not worth the effort to correct and best ignored.

In the end ignorance is not excuse to make such remarks and shows a real lack of basic humanity and empathy for the people around them. As I have said before it is all part of our modern world when people are quick to condemn but slow to understand or to lazy to ask questions!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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