Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXXIII

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Today I have a quiet day enjoying the isolation of my own mind hiding from the cold weather outside and the stress of the world of people around me. The last week at work has been a very stressful week not because of the amount of work I had to do but because people around me were not exactly good at organising themselves which meant they ended up getting stressed with rubbed off on me.

So today my plan is to sit and relax in front of my laptop and write ignoring the world around me fro a short while which is always helped by a cold, wet and windy winter day outside. Plus being a Sunday it is a nice luxury to have a peaceful Sunday doing little other than be a couch potato.

I also aim to get some writing done today on my various Role-Playing backgrounds and journal. I am still getting used to the fact that I can write though with some very rough edges especially after a life of being told I was no good at English even incapable of such things. Life currently is taking an interesting direction for me and currently I have no idea where it will lead but all very exciting for me.

It also helps that my confidence about myself and my abilities is starting to grow again even to a point I do not feel embarrassed about them or allow insecure people to put me down because of them. Also helps I am starting to actively fight my fear about life and death which has always held me back from my full potential.

But still small steps currently but at least I am moving forward again!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXXII

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I have had a quiet week inside my head as all I wanted to do is sleep and play silly games on the computer so I have not really achieved anything this week which has been a little frustrating but not surprising as life has been a mixed bag with both bad and good things happening in my life.

The major good thing being I can earn bonuses at work and not lose any Tax Credits which means that my partner can still get a small part of my Tax Credits so she can at least buy things for herself. Though still not enough to have a totally independent financially.

The major issues this week has being work again with myself finally getting annoyed with certain people at work constantly talking down to me and treating me as if I am stupid. All very ironic in so much I am both better qualified and more experienced than the people talking down to me. I suspect it will come to a head soon as I expect to be treated as at least an equal not as something found on the bottom of peoples shoes.

Plus the way the certain people are acting is disrespectful and totally unprofessional especially in a work environment and usually leads to resentment and open conflict both of which poisoning the work environment for everyone. But sadly the people in question really do not understand what they are doing is wrong as they seem incapable of interacting with people in a social or work environment.

It may be I am currently thinking too deeply about the situation but I have to do something about it and other things at work as they are starting to effect my depression badly which is starting to make me ill again both physically and mentally. Plus my aim in life is to get to a point when the depression is controlled and I have the strength to change my life for the better and in a new direction.

Though currently I have no idea what direction I want to go.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXXI

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After a long week at work which at the start was very intense and tiring as the store at work needed to be spring clean after Christmas and New Year something that should have been done weeks ago but certain managers where too busy trying to look good rather than actually do their job!

This has meant I have been bit quiet here as I have been far too physically and mentally tired to actually write anything or even think beyond something more complex than playing games on my computer. Only now after a good night sleep am I starting to wake up again enough to write.

This sometimes frustrates me as the job I do really should not tire me out this much but the various issues which surround the job make it a lot harder than than it should be. It definitely a case of people at work looking good and chasing trivial things rather than doing their jobs as always.

Now I have two days off to rest with the faint hope I can get back to being creative again and generally relax. The days off have already started well with our car working again after being awkward earlier in the week.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXX

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I have started this week feeling very quiet inside for no real reason other than I suspect my depression is playing up plus at last I am finally relaxing from work just a week too late. Though not all bad in the end as a number of things have been sorted out this week so when I go back to work next week life will settle back to it’s normal self.

I am not dreading going back to work though I am also not missing work either as once again it place in my life is a way to earn a living which takes lot of my time in the week. Though I am getting annoyed at work with way a number of people treat each other some of which is boarding on bullying over such trivial matters when put against the greater scheme of things. I am at a point of saying something as it has hit a raw nerve as I dislike bullies especially those who abuse their positions and no better than the people they are bullying if anything worse!

But as always I always end up worrying about other people before myself which is a habit gained from my depression which can cause me real problems at times. I always feel other people’s pain before mine but I am still learning to put myself first. In the end it is a mixed blessing very coloured by my depression.

Even with all these issues at the start of this year there is a different attitude at home in so much such problems now are not a crisis but another problem which needs to be faced and solved or lived with until it can be sorted out. This change of attitude has relaxed the atmosphere at home for everyone even the dogs who have relaxed.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXIX

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Another day of my holiday ahead which is going to be a fun day shopping, chores and getting a number of things finally done before the weekend and get ready for the last week of my holiday when hopefully I can finally relax and forget about work.

Yesterday was a quiet day not helped by the fact I spent most of the day asleep though at the end I was creative enough to do some work on my social web site messing around with various WordPress plugins to see what I could do and make the site more usable. All good as it keeps my hand in working with computers and I learn more about manipulating WordPress plugins to do what I want and work around issues they throw up.

Only thing is I am not doing about writing to Role-Playing at the moment but as always recently I am having a problem focusing and inspiring myself to write but now it does not worry as much because if I started to worry I would get into a viscous circle. If I worried it mean I would not get inspired to do anything as my mind would totally focus on the worrying rather than relaxing and letting the inspiration return naturally.

I am still hopeful that this year even with potential problems this year at this year is going be better than last year but it also helps that I am more settled inside than last year.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXVIII

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At last I have the last thing I needed to do at work some week later than I wanted so finally I can relax and really start to enjoy my holiday and not worry about work any more. Though it was no thanks to the Managers who were supposed to put themselves out but could not be bothered even after the amount of times I have put myself out for them. As always it was the one supervisor who sorts out the store problems who finally sorted things out for me!

This now means the anxiety caused by this issue will slowly go away and I can settle back down to getting things sorted out over my holiday which include long overdue chores and other things. Also with worry gone I can also settle down enough to be creative again.

Though even with is issue this year has already started better than last year with a sounder financial base and more optimistic view of the coming year which includes a friend giving me a bicycle which will make me more mobile around the town. It also gives me a chance of a new job as I can travel further than on just foot.

So now I can settle down again to recover from peak and the stress it caused me both physically and mentally.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDXXVII

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It has been a quiet start to my two weeks holiday writing my journal mostly because I decided this week not to constantly sleep in and lose the morning sleeping but writing journals or something else equally creative.

Plus it will give my week a structure which is lacking when I am at work because of the variable shifts which I still think are not needed in my case because I am merchandiser at work not someone who works on a tech desk. But as always I work for people who are too lazy to actually do the job they are paid to do and always take the easy way out regardless of the effect it has on people.

As always those who never suffer depression have little understanding of how suffers learn to cope with it in so much we need a base structure to our lives to reduce any anxiety caused by uncertainty and unpredictability of life. This to none suffers of depression seams strange even alien but a base structure to live means we can live a normal life in the end.

Once again I am ranting about work but I need to get this out early in the week so I can relax the rest of the week and write more positive things in my journal.

One thing the next two weeks I will have a lot of quality time with my partner and our dogs who will especially love the fact that I am around more. The dogs love the fact I am around especially Ollie who fell in love with me the first time he saw me and he certainly attached himself to me.

So I am looking forward to productive two weeks holiday even if it just writing journal entries.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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