I have to smile I used to be such a quiet person who accepted what was going on in the world but over the last year I have seamed to of woken up to the injustices of the world around me even before the advent of Mr Corbyn in the Labour Party. I cannot be meek or quiet about them any more as their very existence greats against my very soul and morals which make up what is me.
This is start to colour my life in a more positive way though it will make certain people’s lives around me, especially at work, more difficult as I become more confident and clearer in my beliefs, politics and what I actually want to do with my life.
I am fed up of being blown around by the winds of life caused by people around me pushing me in to places and roles I really have no interest in any more. I am being fed up of those people around me who show real lack of empathy, humanity even a basic understanding that not all people think, believe or want the same.
The latter point has always been bane of my life even recently as if I can understand that people are all different that is not all of them are intelligent, they have different motivations and even different beliefs, I cannot understand just why anybody else cannot do the same. I may be giving people here the benefit of the doubt and some people may well lack this ability to put themselves in others shoes.
Add to this because I have done something about my depression over the past few years I have had to learn a lot about myself and what makes me tick to a point I now have a deeper understanding of myself and what I can actually achieve. The biggest revelation of all this process being I can actually express myself eloquently in both spoken and the written word some thing I was told by my peers since my childhood I could not simply do because I was not bright enough.
Over the next year I will start to live and work how I want to not how others think I should live and work especially as they way they do things seams very flawed to my way of thinking. I have only one life to live and over most of my life I have lived a life everyone else wanted me to live not the life I wanted to live.
In the end if I do this I will start to feel much happier in myself though I suspect a lot of people will not see the subtle change in me but it is something I need to do to fight my depression and finally move on.
There will also be a change in my view of work, especially with my current job, in so much it’s will stop being the focus of my life and what a job has always been that is an ends to a means that is to pay for the bills etc. What happens outside of work will become far more important part of my life and over the next few years I will find ways to reduce the hours I have to work so I can do a lot more outside of work especially explore if I can actually write.
So things will start to change in my life all for the better over the next year.
I will finish with a little bit of irony as I suspect my managers think I actually get excited about the figures and targets we have to get to work and I have never had the heart to tell them the truth in so much I have no real interest in them in a business sense because in my opinion they have little true relevance to way a business is really running and are just indicators of trends and priorities. The truth is I am more interested that they are numbers and statistics in an academic exercise rather than something relates to the real world. Highlights again that I think differently to people around me something some people still cannot grasp.
Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.
Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.