Today is my last day of my holiday from work and to be frank I am currently indifferent about going back to work tomorrow as currently it really does not excite me. So today is going to be a quiet day of chores, writing and working my magic for the role-playing game tomorrow.
It does not sound an exciting day but should be a productive day at the end of which I should be happier in myself as doing things, even small things, help my own mood no end. It is most definitely a male thing.
Though currently my thoughts have gone back to the fact the way I make my living working for a business system which I have not faith or belief in any more. But like a lot of people in my position we have reconcile our principles with the fact we have make a living because currently there is no real alternative.
It does highlight I need to think of a way of making a living in a way that does not depend on a system I do not believe in and fits my principles more though as always I am at a lost what to do next.
What has also become clear over the past few weeks I need to build a real social life again as always hiding from the world as I do now really has not done me any good. It has made me far too reliant on myself and my social skills have suffered greatly.
On top of which it has had real detrimental effect on my depression and anxiety in so much it has made it worse to a point just going to Lincoln for the steampunk festival made me so anxious I felt car sick on the way there something that has never happened to me before!
I know currently the role-playing is helping me in a lot of ways but I need to do more to break this cycle of anxiety as strangely even myself I like to socialise with people and almost need it sometimes to remind me I am still human. In addition for me to write more I need to met and talk to more people.
Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.
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