After a life time of being silent because of my depression robbing me of my own voice and opinions only now I have started via this journal and doing something about my depression finally found my voice.
Depression is such insidious as an illness it can rob you of your opinions, the confidence to voice them and even be determined to stand behind them. All because the depression almost forced you to like everyone and never upset anyone which meant you tended to agree with everyone even if you did not totally agree with their views.
In the end you became a sheep with no real opinions or voice not because you are lazy or apathetic but because you have real choice because of the depression itself. While I was at the height of my depression I was a real sheep who followed and believed in what I was told by governments and the media, I was nothing but an unthinking follower.
But since I have the day I did something about my depression that all has changed as its effects which silenced me have gone and finally I have found my voice and confidence to use it. This further helped by myself actually writing this journal initially as a way to fight my depression but has turned into a way to express myself and my opinions about the world around me.
The most surprising thing I am finding is that my opinions are not certainly not those of my parents or that of my childhood, though they have been coloured by them, but those of my own mind and life experience. It is individual to myself and closely follows my own values and conscience now by a real confidence and strength to stand behind them.
It is finally nice to have my voice finally backed up with my own real opinions not those of others because of my depression. The most pleasant thing is I do not feel like a sheep any more but someone who could possibility change the world even in a small way.
Finally by finding my voice I have now more control over my life and I do not feel like I am just drifting through life!
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