At the moment life has gone very quiet again both inside and externally much like the quiet before a storm though I should not be surprised as I feel drained because of the last few months trials and tribulations which too a lot out of me. Only sad thing is I am too tired and spent even to get remotely excited about the fact we now have a new home and new start in life.
This is typical of my depression as it robs me of a lot of the emotions especially those emotions we called positive emotions like joy and happiness. This to anyone who does not suffer depression will be an odd thing to say and all they see is someone who is miserable all time but if they actually asked they would find people like myself seam to lose the ability to feel emotion or even express it because of our depression. This is all part of depression a part people seam to overlook as they only focus on the major things like suicidal feelings!
What I am saying depression is a more subtle illness with few physical symptoms and can have very subtle and terrible mental symptoms which rob the sufferer of so much including being a fully functional human being who can enjoy life.
At the moment I know my depression is active as I am having difficulty even feeling joy about the move and most worrying of all I am starting to think about dying and the whole process of it again both of which I know where they will lead to a place which is dark not because of the obvious reasons but because I mentally disconnect myself from the world and people around me. This always results in me feeling lonely even if someone is there and living in fear about thing I really have no control over.
But at least this time I know what is happening so I can start to do something about it as even talking about it can help to stop the whole process or give me the strength to do so.