Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLIV

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At the start of another week off from work the one week I actually wanted as I needed to look after the dogs for a week while my partner is way. After all our dogs cannot cross their legs all day plus it would be unfair for them to be in doors all day while I am at work.

Only thing which is spoiling the holiday at the moment is the fact that all I want to do is sleep all the time after which I am still not refreshed but still tired to a point I am lethargic all the time. I suspect that the pressure of moving house and all the financial problem which come with it have finally caught up with me big time!

It has got that bad that I will have to go to the Doctors to deal with it as I suspect it is my depression playing up again which can manifest itself as myself being constantly tired even after a good night sleep.

At least this time I get to talk to a new GP in a new practice in town who may have a different slant how to deal with my depression especially with the fact now I am in a town I can have better access to help. It was nice to live in the countryside but it meant getting any help was far more difficult because you had to travel to it.

So now I is a matter of having a restful week with the dogs generally pottering around doing chores catching up with things I wanted to do for a while which had to be put aside because of commitments at work and home.

There may be a faint hope at the end of the week I will be nice and relaxed though I suspect work will undo all the good work as it did last time!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLIII

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At least I am enjoying a mixed week on holiday from work as so far some things have gone well while others have been annoying to say the least. But as always that seams my lot in life and I am destined not to have an easy life.

I have finally started to finish off the sorting of the stuff we brought from the old house to new house in a rush in so much we are throwing away those things we don’t need and repacking the rest away more neatly and ordered for storage until we have the new house more sorted. Currently that is not going to be for a while until we are more settled financially.

Other than that life is still going in a forward direction for me be it slow which is still better than were we used to live where life just stagnated. A small step forward our end my parter is now doing voluntary work once a week, it may not bring in much needed money but means my partner gets to leave the house once a week to do something.

As someone said a journey starts with one step.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLII

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Once again this week is being a long haul not helped by work being it usual pain on so many levels to a point I really wonder if the pay and effort I put into the job really is worth it.

It has meant I have been constantly tired all week and today my legs have ached something which has not occurred for months even under the more stressful environment of the old house. One good thing I now only two days at work before I have a week off something I am looking forward too.

The week off will mean I will have actually the time to do things around the house, about getting a new job and generally catching up on things which work has stopped me doing due to the stress and fatigue it has caused me. I am looking forward to it and it will be a week where work will be forgotten and ignored totally.

So tonight I am strangely thinking it is a Thursday night which I suspect I am wishing the next two days of work are over already but still a nice feeling as it does sort of relaxes me into the next two days.

So here to a big hope the weeks holiday will mean I will get stuff done!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLI

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Another week at work completed with once again little real satisfaction in my own job as always I have ended up doing others jobs usually better than the person who I replaced but has meant I could not do once again my real job.

There is a faint hope this will all change when the new financial year though I suspect nothing will change as those around me at work seam incapable of the change needed to push this forward to a better place there. It is a sad fact of the modern world people are not as flexible now as of few decades ago.

Other than that it is coming to the end of a hard month financially which we have survived without over spending great deal if anything almost breaking even which is real task in this modern world of ours. At least the next month will be easier as our bills settle down and reduce so life should get easier from now on. It will mean the tension at home will ease even get better.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCL

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It is getting near the end of a difficult month financially which me managed to survive without going into the red too much which was no mean feat in itself but it does mean next month which is going to be easier financially as for once in a long time my wages can actually cover all of our out goings in a month.

It does help moving into a house which is smaller and cheaper to run especially the gas and electric bill which are going to be a fraction of what they used to be. So other than usual glitches we will get in the future it looks like our life financially with be a bit more secure in the future.

But we still need to sell some stuff and get better jobs as it would be nice in the future not to just survive but actually have enough money for a few luxuries and thing we will need which will include new computer hardware especially my partner who is still running a Windows Computer which as always resource hungry.

Last few weeks have also been a bit tiring at work with many detractions at home I have not managed to do things I wanted on the computer or for role-playing which in itself has been tad frustrating but as always life get in the way of things.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLIX

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Another week at work has been completed during which I managed to avoid major telling off form the main Manager, along with few others, mainly because I have always done my job be it with a lot of moaning about those around me who did not.

I’m not surprised it has happened as if I had noticed that some people where not pulling their weight or not doing their job properly it was only a matter of time before the general manager noticed. I am amazed that some people there really thought they could get away with it.

So all in all the week has been very physical with audit in the middle so tonight I have legs and feet are aching plus I am very tired and sleepy. Stress always has that wonderful effect one me.

Other than this the week has been good as I have customised both my personal social web site and blog which I do say they look dam good and similar because I wanted a common theme between them.

In the end the world as far as I am concerned is better as even with the financial problems we have at the moment thing ahead are looking rosy especially as we found out it is going to cost a fraction to pay for the gas and electricity for the new house over 50% less than old house!


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLVIII

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A short and sweet journal entry as last and this week have been both long and stressful because of usual money problems that come with moving home. All this mix made worse by work adding more stress due to usual problems at work simply not talking to each other and putting money before anything else.

But at least there is still a light on the horizon!


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLVII

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Another end of a 5 day run of shifts at work which almost ended up with me walking out of work because frankly they have taken advantage of my nice guy traits of my personality. They live under the misconception I will do anything required at work but I am drawing the line at doing Technician jobs at work as after all I enjoy doing that at home not work.

Add to this they only pay almost minimum wages and if they want me to do more technical thing they will have to pay me more as my experience and know how does not come free. In one managers case I will use his own greed against him to hammer the point home!

So now I have 3 days off to relax or attempt too with those around me constantly fussing at me about things which frankly are perfectly normal behaviour not abnormal behaviours. In the end making me feel worse than I actually am considering the constant worries about money currently.

It should not be surprising these worries will make a bit jaded at times as the stress will have that effect. Just a shame others around me fail to understand that.

So now I have to think seriously where I want my life to go from here as something will have to change and it looks like as per usual it’s going to have to me as those around me seam to have inability to change for themselves. Personally I find this a little unfair but it is either this or I disappear into sea of nothingness again!


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLVI

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So far has been another long week on the Tech Desk at work all because the company though they had a bad Christmas so now they are saving money by trying run stores with as few people as possible. So poor saps like myself end up working harder, being pulled from pillar to post and do we get money or thanks from the company. Hell no all we get is platitudes and well done which frankly does not pay the bills.

As you gather I am little fed up of life and people around me whose various actions are driving me mad and making my situation difficult in various ways most of which mean my life is bit harder than it should be and my poor bank account is taking a hammering for 3rd month in a row.

All the time I keep telling myself and others also keep telling me it will be all right in the end. This message would be a comfort if they had not been telling me the same over the last year while nothing changes around me and the people who are telling me this.

This is a long time coming but something or someone is going have to give as currently I am getting fed up of working my ass off and getting nothing, I mean nothing, back. All I have felt in the last few years is I have kept giving my all and got nothing absolutely back but constant worry, stress, heart ache and guilt trips a mile long.

Just one of those journal entries where I need to rant at the world for a while!


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLV

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A day I managed to actually do some much needed chores around the house even after the fact I had drank the night before. This usually means that the next day I am lethargic, tired, angry and very down but today it is all different for some reason I felt much better and calmer than usual.

So today I got the chores I wanted done and even managed to do some more creative things which included writing a bit more of the Role-Playing Game and sorting out some things to do with my personal cloud here.

Plus I managed to get some blogging done without falling asleep though it does help I have two days off away from work and all the lovely customers we are currently having. For some reason a lot of people are extremely argumentative at the moment and I can only put it down to the stormy weather this winter here. Either way it makes dealing with public far from a pleasant thing especially if you work in retail.

I can always hope with Spring around the corner people’s moods will improve with the warming weather or at least I can but hope.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLIV

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After another week on the Tech Desk with no real escape it looks like I am bit tired and my mood is wearing thin with those people who really should not go near a computer in the first place!

I suspect I am not only one who is thinking people should not be let near a computer, tablet or the such without passing a test much like a car. It would certainly make people’s lives easier within the Computer Industry in general as they would have to deal less with gross ignorance and stupidity of users and actually spend time improving the way things worked.

Until that day those of us who have to deal with public and computers are going to have to grin and bare the stupidity of some users with a smile thinking only thing you should do is switch the computer off and go back to the pen and paper!

Other than that the week has been the usual round of worries about the lack of money and how to make ends meet with someone who always says it will be all right in the end. Not helped I need a better paid job and I have forgotten how to look for a new job which such an annoying situation.

Though there has been more positive things happening this week in so much I have finally got around to writing a Stormbringer Role-Playing Campaign and much to my delight the ideas and inspiration are following something which has not happened in a long time.

The next thing to do is to find a local group of Role-Players so I can get back into Role-Playing again so I have something else than just home and work in life.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLIII

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Another very tiring week not helped by myself working on the Tech Desk at work when the most obnoxious, self-centred and almost criminally stupid people decide to come out of the woodwork with their computers full viruses or problems all due to their lack of knowledge of basic know how how to maintain a computer.

I am almost at a point of blowing up at these people even if it means I lose my job because I am not paid enough to deal with their constant stupidity and ignorance about computers. It’s not as if dealing computers is a difficult task as long as you can follow instructions after all the same people can drive a car or even cook!

On a better note other than constant worry about the lack of money living in the new house is still far better than the old house in so much everyone is slowly relaxing more even the dogs. It is now so good when I get stressed by work or life the resulting anger or depression only last a much shorter time and soon subside.

It has meant I am off the anti-depressants again and do not feel the need to go back on to them even with the constant worries and stress in the background. This has had a very desirable effect of not suppressing my creative side any more to a point I am starting to write Role-Playing Game things again which I hope will continue.

Life may of got a bit quiet again in the new home but this time it is tempered by a real hope of a change in the future.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLII

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As always last week was a long week which started with more stress than I needed but ended up quiet much like the weeks before. The nicest thing is that the magic of the new house and environment still is not wearing off even after not the best week for me. I looks like it will not either as the house and place we now live are both very pleasant indeed.

Though this week I have managed to create an error with oxwall’s cron job on the Linux desktop which simply was not there in the first place and only because I ran a php program with a switch which threw up and phantom error. After a day it was all solved as I finally did something I should of done ages ago to proved it worked and it did. Though I did learn something new how to set up a log file for a cron job which will be most definitely useful thing to know.

Only definite thing to disappoint me was the lack of use of my personal social web site, Luther’s Chosen Few, but I always expect people to be as active as myself on line and most people I know tend not to be. But hey it is still early days.

At least this weekend some more stuff get fixed in the new house thanks to a good friend of my partner which also usually means we get a pleasant weekend drinking wine and eating at least one takeaway.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXLI

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It has been a more fruitful weekend than rest of the week which frankly has been a week of series of disasters most of which we managed to survive intact. We managed to get some more sorting out done in the new home it may have been few hours but at the moment it is a little bit at the time.

Other than the usual worry of can we make ends meet it really looks like life in the new house is really going to work as we are all more relaxed. The dogs are not losing as much fur, especially Kali, due to stress and both Aisha and Ollie took advantage of the nice day to actually play together in the new garden something they have not done in a long time. It was so nice to see.

At the moment it is just pleasant to be in new home away from the stresses of the old house and family with the prospect of new and better life ahead for all of us here. Plus at least I will not have a terrible phone call to make tomorrow other than the last of the phone calls to inform people of the change of address.

Now I have finally settling in the new home I can start to work on a number of Role-Playing projects again which have been put aside due to the move plus I should also get going finding a Role-Playing group locally so I can Role-Play again something I have not had opportunity to do for years and still miss.

As for the computer I am still thinking of the next thing I want to do on the computer and if still fun trying things even if they fail after all I still learn things even then.


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCXL

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This has not been the best week for me and my partner as the old house still giving us here a lot of trouble and heart ache especially with high bills which have been a real sting in the tail from the move from the old house. At least the Christmas and New Year bonuses and overtime have appeared in my wage packet this month just when we needed it.

After few months here in the new house things should start to settle down money wise along with our lives here. As I have said before it really looks like our life in the new house will be infinity better than in the old house. Even the dogs are far more settled to a point they are more relaxed and happy than they been in the past few years which is so nice to see.

Sadly after few weeks at work thing have not improved mainly because of the inflexibility of large number of colleagues and two managers I am once again being pulled from pillar to post to accommodate the business needs and cover those at work who refuse to change. Personally along with others at work are getting very fed up with this situation as in the end few of end up doing the majority of the work while others just stand around doing nothing under the pretence they are waiting for a customer to appear!

But unlike in the old house in the new house this now feels like a minor problem rather than something which really effects my life in a big way as it should be. It now just annoys me on a personal way as myself being the one of the oldest members of staff their has shown more flexibility than colleagues half my age who seam incapable of changing even on a basic level!


Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal journal of mine just follow the link to Acta Spiritu Amisso.

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