Journal of a Lost Soul Part CDI

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Last day of two days off before a long run of 7 days of shifts which strangely I am indifferent about as work is slowly getting less and less important in my life and things out side are starting to become far more important.

Currently that is my blogging and thinking about my new role-playing background both of which keep me busy and my imagination active something which is much needed at the moment after months of it being locked inside me.

I am still fighting my depression on a daily basis but the battles are getting easier to cope with both for myself and people around me. Though currently it does not help that I am surrounded by people who are very shallow indeed who tend to aggravate my depression with their unthinking and frankly pointless remarks over such trivial matters they are beneath my contempt!

At least today I can do some constructive things and get other things sorted out which include tidying up the garden something a few months ago I would not even thought or want to do it is amazing what happens when I fight my depression as my life starts to get what is commonly known as normal.

Though currently I have bee in my bonnet about the Scottish Independence Vote not because of it is happening but because of what is happening in the rest of the United Kingdom where it is either met with total hostility from business leaders or total apathy from the general public. Either way the vote goes this Thursday the English are going to come out of it badly as they have shown their true colours which from where I stand makes England a very ugly place indeed.

So life goes on as I slowly rebuild it again and think of a new and better direction for it!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CD

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The last short shift at work and I will have quiet two days off to recover before a long stint of shifts which is not as much of problem as it used to be when I had to commute into work. At the moment I am not missing the drive into work as it used to be so stressful driving the roads of the United Kingdom. The walk in through the park and along the river into work makes for a very pleasant start to the day even in the winter so now I always get a stress free start to my day.

Outside of work life has not been so peaceful as it’s proving difficult to find people to help me put a new fence in the back garden even with beer as payment and our futon decided yesterday to break under my partner scaring both herself and our dogs. All these are problems life sends us to solve and separates those of us who all life to grind us down or not.

Tonight I am going to enjoy my red wine tonight and trip into Second Life as it will be good to escape the real world for a short time especially with long run of shifts coming up.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXIX

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The end of this week going to be difficult for me not because of my depression but because my body has decided to feel unwell and ache especially my leg all for no reason at all!

I have a long day today and not looking forward to it because of the physical issues I am doing but other than that it should be a good day with lot of opportunities rather than problems. Strangely the most difficult thing I have today is finding someone to help me to put up the new fence in the back garden.

So ahead is just a day of work as it is a 10 hour day but it is all down hill from now on to the weekend as tomorrow’s shift is only a baby of a shift before two days off which I suspect I will sleep through again.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXVIII

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After few days of worrying about work on my days off it turned out that work was not as bad as a thought especially when I have the support to do my job and a relaxed management rather than flapping as per usual.

Though not everything at work is a bed of roses outside of management rest of people at work are just cruising and not caring about anything other than standing around and chatting. All this to the distraction of the management and those of us at work who are actually working for our living even if we not totally happy being there!

But even with all the usual problems of work outside of work is very quiet especially over next few days as I have three long shifts but at least my mind is thinking of more than just work but of other things including my new role-playing background. Though in this case I am waiting for inspiration to strike me again but I am getting more patient about waiting for them.

One good thing I managed to do over my two days off to get my ownCloud working again and in the process of customising it so it has my personal look to it. It’s nice to figure something out especially when the documentation is not the best.

I have to keep reminding myself I can do things on my computer which other people around me could not even do mainly because I can and I have the skills plus knowledge to do it. But as always I doubt my own abilities and tend to hind them out of embarrassment for some reason as old habits die hard for me!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXVII

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Last two days have been quiet and peaceful days only punctuated by short shift at work which was relatively stress free even with petty politics at work between people in authority. Though I may feel peaceful and calm but there is under flow of feelings of despair and hopelessness which frankly very disconcerting indeed. It has made everything I have done today feel like I have not achieved anything when I have.

Regardless of this I have had a success full day completing some chores and some much needed maintenance on my computer resetting up my ownCloud even customising it so it has a look of it’s own which still has to be completed. It looks like the upgrade of the ownCloud software has fixed a number of problems. One of my next tasks is to figure out hove to change the url of an existing WordPress web site so I can finally get rid of one of my dynamic dns providers which should be an interesting exercise.

One other thing I really need to get around to doing is sorting out my life outside of work in general and get back to socialising and interacting with people outside of work. The first step to this will to be get regular shifts at work so I can finally start to build a new social life and circle outside of work.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXVI

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I am enjoying the fact I am being creative regardless of the fact it is a slow process at the moment mainly because I am doing as I feel like it or get the inspiration. All this helped by myself finally stopping myself worrying about fact I am not being creative to a point of beating myself up or getting frustrated about it. I did something similar when I could not sleep and in the end I now sleep better and not worry if my sleep patterns are little strange as long as I feel I have enough sleep.

It’s always the way to fight my depression teach myself not to worry about things other than those things I can actually do something about and it works for me.

The upshot of this a new role-playing world is slowing coming to life in my imagination and currently small bits of notes or musings which I am publishing on one of my journals. It still an enjoyable process as the ideas start flowing especially when I get to the stage of putting the various musings into proper documents describing the world.

This is something I have always done since I was a child created imaginary worlds though then I did not have an outlet as it was before Role-Playing was existed. I suspect there are people out there who still think what I am doing is very immature but they forget that writers do the same and you are never too old to have flights of fancy and the imagination.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXV

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As always on my days off I feel disconnected to things around me as I am allowing my job to define my life again which is a very unhealthy thing as far as I am concerned!

But as always on my days off I am too tired to do anything both physically and mentally which always drives me to distraction as I get so frustrated by it. Though today I have enough food and such in to have a much needed quiet day away from the world in general.

This week has been a busy week sadly at work not outside of work as I would of liked things to be but I am really going to have to start to push to rebuild my life outside of work especially with role-playing which I am starting to miss greatly.

Though I am still enjoying working on ideas for role-playing backgrounds and ideas regardless which keeps my mind and imagination active and occupied.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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