Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXIII

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So far it has been a quiet weekend after a very busy but successful week at work where we not only did our target on the Tech Desk but smashed it so in the end a very satisfactory week all in all. Plus today I am also a bit more awake than yesterday as all I wanted to do was sleep though I should not of been surprised after last week.

Last week was also successful elsewhere outside of work in so much I managed to start to write down the first notes on a new Role-Playing background and more ideas for existing background something I have not done in a few weeks so feel good.

But as I have said before I am starting not to worry when my creativity seams to leave me every few while as it was starting to cause me to worry about it to a point it stopped it returning again. So my current tactics much as my sleep is not to worry about not being creative which seams to be working as I am slowly getting creative again.

So once again my mood has bounced back to a stable but good mood not worrying about things which I cannot do anything about and worrying about bad thing happening which may never happen.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXII

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It is a strange at the moment as once again my mind is going through a quiet place again where it is full of ideas about world building of Role-Playing World, e.g. creative phase, rather than overly worrying about work even on my day off.

This still something I have to get used to but a very pleasant feeling both for myself and people around me. It also means that I am starting to enjoy my life even my job even if at times I am getting stressed and angry at work. But that is perfectly normal as I now do not hold on to the anger or stress currently.

I also know I will go through times when the stress, anger and depression but now I do not overly worry about such days and not even worry that they are going to occur. As my depression will always be a part of my life and what I need to learn is how to cope with it and ride such dark days.

Also at the moment because I have stopped worrying overly about being creative I have started to be creative but I am not pushing or punishing myself for not being creative so for period of times I will not be creative which will be less and less of a problem for me. Much like sleeping once I stopped worrying about not sleeping my sleep pattern came back naturally so I am using the same trick with my creativity which seams to be working so far.

I have to smile at the moment these journal entries still show my emotions and moods are still little extreme at times but starting to slowly level out finally!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXXI

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Has not been the best few weeks for me as magic to life both at home and work have gone mostly because of the people around me sort of making me feel down and annoyed. This regardless of the fact that I am basically calm and contented inside.

I think the anger reflects the world we have created for ourselves which is an angry and confrontational world which those nice and relaxed people have no real place in it any more. So for me it is getting more and more difficult to exist in such a world as it constantly fires my depression even when I am on the anti-depressants.

After this week I have been feeling totally disconnected with both the world and people around to a point I really do not want to interact with it any more as both are not worth the trouble. Just means I have been feeling lost the last few days to a point all I want to do is sit around and do nothing regardless I have so much I want to do.

There is always a faint hope next week will be better!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXIX

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Once again the unthinking actions of someone more concerned with his own position and making money than actually caring about the people has started off my obsessive thinking yet again and to put in mildly I am now very angry with them!

What makes it worse he had a go at the two people at work on the Tech desk who are actually making the company money unlike others who currently losing money and have bad behaviours on the Tech desk which the person in question has failed to do anything about.

I suspect the person in question believes myself and other person in question are weak people who are easy to tell off though he learnt yesterday that we are not and I was stupid enough to apologize to him when I should not as he was in the wrong I was not.

Today I am going to get the point across to him I am doing what I am at work due to professional and personal pride with my heart in the right place in so much I put the customers first. Plus I really do not care for both himself and companies attitude plus I doing what I am doing at work for me not the company or him.

Personally I dislike people like the person in question who put money and status before anything else as it shows a real lack of character and empathy for people. Plus in our modern world they are real source of lot of our problems in our modern world as their attitude is very selfish and self centred.

Well I am back to ranting again but as always when I write something down it magically leaves my mind and exorcise my demons a little which is always a good thing.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXVIII

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Another week of work started without the usual annoyance or feeling of being trapped as few months ago which is a very pleasant feeling indeed both for me and everyone else around me. Though work is still a pain at times at least now I see it in perspective now as a way to earn a living be it a very basic one.

Add to this my mind is finally not obsessing about trivial matters any more but the future and other more creative things including map drawing and world building for a Role-Playing which is very nice for me as at least I can fall asleep at night not worrying. Though I still wake up too early at the moment but as always something not to overly worry about as it will eventually go away as I stop worrying about it.

So now another week of work ahead but also the next week of my life with all that it brings.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXVII

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After another week of work which was little disappointing as it was coloured by my depression and not feeling physically on top form not helped by working in a store which air conditioning which was not working during a very muggy period of weather here, I have arrived at my weekend. I know it is a Friday but due to my job and working Sundays my weekend is slightly earlier than most people weekend but at least I get two days off for the next two weeks. For those of you who work retail will know that is luxury not to be sniffed at.

Ahead weekend of chores, blogging and general thinking about a Role-Playing world which will start of with a little map drawing and rule reading in the hope that it inspires me both with background and elsewhere. But as always I am fighting my depression and lack of self confidence and belief but at the moment it is matter of enjoying being creative without worrying if it never sees the light of the day. Much like the problems I had with sleeping it is a matter of doing things when my mind is in the mood until a point I am creative without thinking about it.

Saying that this plan is certainly working with my blogging as it is getting easier to blog once I stop worrying about producing a regular blog and writing when I feel like it. Though I suspect that some people will call this lazy but it shows an ignorance of how depression effects you mentally and physically in so much you can feel constantly tired both physically and mentally.

Well ahead is fun weekend especially now I have already largely forgotten and left behind the weeks work where it should be in the past. Add to this I may have been a little spiky at the end of last week but I feel inside less angry and starting to feel much more settled inside and once again looking forward to the future again. Strange just how my moods still bounce around but not as extreme but perfectly normal.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXVI

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So far having a quiet week though currently even with my anti-depressants there is the usual underlying problems with my depression causing me to get very irritable with the people around me especially those I believe are causing me and others true problems especially at work.

Though currently what really does not help my mood I am very disappointed with some people around me because of their behaviour and attitudes which frankly stink in my personal opinion. I may not able to do anything about their attitude but I can show my displeasure and dislike of their attitudes. Sadly it will not change anything but their attitude and actions will catch them up and I will get the pleasure of say I told you so.

This morning has been one of those days when I stop fighting my depression in so much it is currently waking me up before I need to in the morning after which results in me lying in bed worrying about things and the fact I cannot sleep so today I have got up. It seams to have worked as I’ve got up and not worrying about things and discovered I have had enough sleep.

Once again a week has been a long time in my depression again with my mood turning down again though currently the mood swings are lot less pronounced so not as bad as it was a month ago so things are getting better for me.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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