Getting to Know Myself!

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The one thing that has come out from my journey out of my depression and to a point when eventually I have learnt to truly live with it is that I have had to go through a process of discovering myself and know what makes me tick. Though the process will always will be an ongoing process as I change in the coming years.

All this is because as I have journeyed out of my longest down which has coloured most of my adult life. During this journey I have had to face my demons, my own weaknesses even accept the fact that I am lot more intelligent and talented than I think I am. This last sounds very odd to someone who has never suffered depression but it does rob you of your basic self belief.

But this journey has meant I have got to know myself, the way I think, my true dislikes and likes and finally my motivations all of which have been hidden even from myself because of my depression. These were also coloured by my anger and frustration the depression which resulted from the fact I was both closed off from the world around me and myself.

So now I can do something I should of done when I was much younger and truly discover myself and grow up intellectually in so much I have the confidence and believe in myself to hold real opinions and views of the world including political and religious.

This sounds odd when my depression was at its height I never had any opinions of my own even political because I did not have confidence or self belief and most of all I lived in fear of life itself.

Some people will say it is too late at my age to start to learn about myself and even grow up as a person but I will point out it is never too late for anyone and process which never stops our whole life. Those who think we stop growing up when we reach adulthood show a lack of understanding of life itself was we have to constantly change and grow as we go through our lives.

So now I am finally having the pleasure of getting to know myself something I am glad to finally do even at my age!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Bee in My Bonnet!

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At the moment I have a real bee in my bonnet over my creativity or lack of it.

I suspect it is part of my recovery from my current down and part of me I think has always been a part of me and my personality something which in my teenage years was drummed out of me by those people around me who far from encouraged it if anything helped to suppress it by making me feel so small for just having a creative streak.

I know this really sounds like I am blaming everyone else for destruction of my creativity but I am not as such but I am saying those around me coloured my self image and esteem so badly it has always coloured my life.

Plus what I am not saying I am good or fantastic at being creative and I certainly do not have an overblown blown up sense of my creativity but what I have is a need to be creative be it in a Role-Playing Game, drawing maps even writing computer code to create something even if it a piece of software.

But one thing I have learnt as I have gone through fighting my depression a lot about myself and how I work inside. One thing which has come out is I love to be creative even if what I produce is not world class but the process of being creative gives much pleasure.

I forgive those who in my early days tried to suppress me because they feared me because I always seamed to follow my own path as in the end they did not succeed as what everyone would call my twilight I am finding my creativity and the joy of it again.

I don’t think it is ever too late to find myself again along with my creativity as it would have been worse if I allowed myself to fall back in to my depression and done nothing about it!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Fun With Cultural Differences!

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I think this has to be said to clear some cultural differences between the United Kingdom and United States especially over the use of the terms Republican and Liberal in politics. This in a hope that some Americans do not get the wrong idea of my political views and stance.

So here we go to clear some misconception with those people across the big pond.

Here in the United Kingdom a Republican is not a major right wing political party, though it is a minor political party, but some one who wants to turn the United Kingdom into a Republic that is remove the Queen as the head of state and replace her with an elected President. It is an anti-Royalist stance as some citizens of the United Kingdom are frankly fed up with some their taxes being given to a Royal family whose existence is now in question in a modern country and they think the taxes could be better spent elsewhere as President would be cheaper option.

One interesting thing until a few decades ago to talk about a Republic in the United Kingdom was treason and you could be arrested for believing and even talking about a Republic. But now we can talk about it openly which is most definitely a step forward. There is even now a Democratic Republican Party here now in the United Kingdom but it is still a very minor political party.

Now we come to the biggest bugbear between the United States and United Kingdom the use of the term Liberal which definitely has two different meanings with ours in the United Kingdom being the oldest definition!

Here a Liberal is not a left wing or a communist or even a socialist but a political party which dates back to the early days of Parliament itself here in the United Kingdom. Yes, I will admit the Liberal are more left wing than the Conservatives here but they represent the middle of the road of politics which has always had it’s base in the South West of England.

Over the years the name of the Liberal Party has changed especially after a merger with the SDP party in the 1980s after which the party name was changed to the Liberal Democrats but basically the stance of the party remained the same.

What I think most American miss in our politics here is that our politics here does have a true left wing in the from of the Labour Party, though now they have sold out their left wing politics for votes but still represent the workers and Unions here in the United Kingdom. Plus we also do have real left-wing parties who stand in our General Elections which include the Communist and Socialist Parties.

This one of my pet hates with a large minority of the people from United States as they assume that when I use terms like Liberal or Republic they mean the exactly the same as in the United States but I will reiterate to these people there they do not mean the same.

All this goes to show there are those in the United States who have a cultural laziness to assume we here in the United Kingdom have the same culture as they do which is simply not true. As an Englishman I find this very offensive as after all I have taken the time to understand that the culture of United States is different to ours here which is definitely a very good thing!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Blogging is Good For The Soul!

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The one thing has become very clear as I have blogged over the years is that it has certainly helped with my depression rather than hindered it. That is it has helped me to get certain feelings including anger and frustrations out of my mind into a written form which has enabled me to release such feeling from my mind where they would of just gone around and around.

This for anyone who has ever suffered depression is very therapeutic as such circular thinking can cause a lot of problems with depression itself which always ends up with obsessive thoughts and turning what is a trivial matter into something which frankly was never important in the first place.

So for me my blogging has always released these thoughts making me feel much better in my self and means I can move forward rather than backwards as my depression would like me to do.

It also had a very pleasant side effect too as it has also boosted my self confidence and believe in myself and released a creative side which I believed I never had though it is still a bit rough and in the past was suppressed both by my depression and those around me who went out of their way to bully it out of me!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Good Bye to Mr Angry!

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As once again I come out of a long down caused by my depression the one thing this time I am noticing is the passing of the constant anger about things a lot of which I had no control over or such trivial matters they really were not worth the effort in the first place.

This does not mean I now do not get angry or annoyed with things but now I am starting to take things in to perspective and not turn the anger and annoyances into obsessive thoughts which I could not let go. Also I am still passionately hate and get angry over things but at least now I let go of the such feeling quickly when they surface.

All in all it has meant my life for both myself and others around me has been a lot easier recently as such pointless anger can make life so much harder for everyone and most definitely caused by the depression itself.

Anger has always been part of my downs of my depression where it comes from I still not do not totally understand but it is part of my downs of my depression and always has been. I suspect it comes from the sense of isolation and feeling uselessness I always get when in a down.

But as always it is always pleasant when Mr Angry has gone as my mind is a lot quieter without angry obsessive thoughts so I can start to focus on other things which slowly come back as I come back out of my depression.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

My Republican Feelings Are On The Rise!

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As I get more and more disillusioned with the British Establishment as a whole as it gets more and more remote from the people it once served and includes both our Parliament and Royal Family the more my Republican feelings increase!

This is at total variance to how I was brought up which was with a respect of the Royal Family and the Queen herself but over the years both the various scandals surrounding the Royals themselves and the fact they are the figurehead of an establishment which has cared less and less for the people it serves, I have started to turn away from them and question their very existence and importance to the country.

I am slowly coming to conclusion for this country to move forward into a new brighter future we need to get rid of both the establishment and the Royal family themselves as both under the pretence of representing a British Tradition which represents a long gone Empire and way of life which frankly has no real place in our modern United Kingdom.

If anyone has actually been watching what has been happing in the United Kingdom would of noticed that as a nation we have become a multi-cultural, a multi-faith and remarkably tolerant nation.

But this is tempered by an establishment and Royals who still represent a United Kingdom which is still Christian and very British to a point that there are still some within the establishment who believe we have empire and demand respect from the rest of the world because we are British.

Then we wonder why our whole establishment including Parliament is so out of step with the rest of the United Kingdom as it simply does not have the same views as the country it now represents. Add to this it has become a self serving and self perpetuating system which clings to out dated even archaic traditions because the people within it are too afraid, too greedy and still drunk with the power the establishment gives them even at the cost of the United Kingdom and it’s people future.

I have always been of the view it is time we as a people took steps to remove those within the establishment who have been holding our country back from a brighter future and locked in a past which has long gone or should have been long gone.

And the best start of this change is to finally remove the Queen and Royal family from power and declare a Republic in doing so removing the figurehead of the establishment forcing them to change of be next.

As a final note if I wrote this blog entry some decade ago about the Republic here in United Kingdom I could have been arrested as it was illegal to have such sentiments here in the United Kingdom!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

I Am Not a Radical!

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Some of the things I say in my journal here may seam a bit radical and extreme to some people but it is not what I am.

In truth I am someone who is getting more and more frustrated with the modern world, not because I growing older, but because no one really learns anything new or moves forward any more. Something as I get older is getting worse rather than better because I am slowing growing more disillusioned and unhappy with the way the world around me works currently.

I have kept quiet too long because of my depression robbing of the confidence of actually standing up and saying something because I lacked the confidence to speak out so as I grow older to make up for this I am starting to be more vocal about what I see is wrong with the world around me.

But if someone calls me a radical because I now have the confidence to speak out so be it as I rather be classed as radical than sit silently and suffer like a lot of people around me do!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Sooner a Revolution Comes the Better!

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More and more I observe this modern world of ours we have created the more and more I get disillusioned and angry of the world we have all collectively built.

It’s not the utopia we and our forefathers were lead to believe with the advent of new technologies but a hard edged world which glorifiers the individual, triviality and money above anything else. A world where business and making money has pushed aside the basic humanity from the poor who have to do anything to survive to the rich in their ivory towers.

The world we have created for ourselves is no better than it was in Victorian times even the Dark Ages of Europe which massive inequalities, open bigotry and an over class who want to rule an oppressed underclass.

All supported by governments who serve the new over class rather than the people that actually voted them in which the politicians making all the right noises to the electorate but getting ever fatter off the new over class. All supported by media which spread misinformation to blatant lies how bad the world is to scare people into line strangely owned by the new over class.

What is worse the general populous of the world, especially in the West, know this is going on with few vocal few pointing it out but they seam happy or too lazy to do anything as lot of the time they have actually fell for the media’s manipulation. All not helped by this sense of individualism and basic need to survive which means as long as they are all right jack the world can screw itself even if it is at the subtle eroding of their hard won freedoms.

We as a world are coming out of an economic crash caused by the incompetence and criminal mismanagement of the banking systems in the West especially in the United States but have we learn anything from it and have those who caused the problems been punished?

The answer is no they are still in same positions within the Banks, other financial businesses and even in government doing exactly the same as they did before and as rich and powerful as they were before the economic crash they caused. They will create an economic boom which will be a fragile as the last economic boom in the 1990s which because of it’s foundations is almost doomed to end in yet another economic crash this time could be of an even more monumental scale!

Eventually things should not of stayed the same after the economic crash we should as a whole done something as a society to change things as in Iceland those responsible should have been brought to justice and the whole way Western Capitalism worked should have been brought under the spotlight and both reformed and its act cleaned up.

As I said it is getting a time we need to change things as currently our modern world is doomed for collapse in a spectacular way under it’s own weight, apathy and stagnation. What will be left will not be a pleasant world to live in if there is still a world left that is.

All this is a very stark view of the world but it need to be to get people really thing about the world around them before it is too late plus remind them that we can actually do something about it as what has been shown from recent history that normal people can change the world peacefully and without wars.

As I said at the start sooner a revolution comes the better even if this revolution is just a basic change of how we think and view about the world around us as thing have to change befoe it is too late!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

A Mad World?

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If we totally believe the news being fed to us by the media in the West the world has gone mad and full of the evil of Islamic terrorists and groups who are so powerful the West is threatened by an invasion from the Middle East who will sweep away the Christians and start a new dark age!

But if you actually think about what is happening in the world and actually look back over the full history of humanity and considering over the last 50 years or so we have had peace especially here in Europe we have forgotten the simple fact that the world has always been like this.

One thing humanity seams to be very good at is fighting each other over our history and if we look back the current sectarian war in Iraq really nothing new as some 500 years ago we in Europe were at exactly the same sort of wars between Catholics and Protestants with same effects and loss of innocent lives.

But if we are to believe the media we are heading for a disaster of biblical proportions but you have to wonder why a Christian dominated West especially in United States are painting such a picture of the world?

It simple it is to distract the population from the fact that their own governments and corporations are failing both them and their economy. Add to this they are using the people’s fear to make them more compliant to their needs that is reduce their freedoms and allow the companies to get cheaper labour!

But as always people listen to the media in the West but do not question or actually look into what they are being told. As I said before who needs oppression when the population is so apathetic!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Just Why Do We Still Define Ourselves By Our Job?

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What I still find fascinating people in our modern world still define themselves by their job all made stranger by the fact over our careers, unlike the past, we tend to have number of jobs. It did make more sense in the past as we tended to follow our fathers into their trade and with lack of a surname it made sense to use the person’s trade as a surname to distinguish between people.

But in the modern world, especially with faster and easier communication, and advent of surnames it makes less sense to me why people still define themselves by their trade or job. Though I suspect it’s because in our modern world, due to unnecessary pressures on life put on by governments and corporations, people live to work rather than work to live. That is they put their career and earning of money before themselves and family which has resulted in some problems in the fabric of our society.

Even I have fell into same trap in my 30s to a point work dominated my life at the expense to my personal life and hobbies which ended up with myself living to work rather than working to live.

But in later years, especially when I started to do something about my depression, I started to realise that this was not a healthy thing to do especially in a year I did not work at all because of my depression. I came to the conclusion it was better to define myself as me and the favourite things and interests as they defined me better than my job which has become now a means to earn money rather than my life.

In the end I have been more happier and comfortable with this new definition of myself as it is close to what defines me as my job does not define me any more.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

A Film Industry Lacking New Ideas!

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Most modern films now lack any real substance and attempt to blind their audiences with fancy visual effects in a flimsy attempting to hide this fact. This is also now true for television series, especially from the United States something we are constantly bombarded with here in the United Kingdom, which also wow their audiences with so called interesting contents but again if you stood back and actually looked hard and thought about the series themselves they really lack real substance or real story lines once again.

I know I may be a very fussy film and television viewer but I have lived long enough and watched enough films and television over the years to see the slow decline of the quality of both films and television programs even on the BBC itself. I doubt if I am not only one who has noticed this fact and I suspect I am not only one to notice that over the years money has become more important than the substance of the films and television programs themselves.

But it really shows our film and television industry in our modern world is flat and lacks any real new ideas which is shown by it constant output of remakes and sequels of both films and television series. It looks like the music industry both film and television industries really lack any new ideas and allowed money not new ideas run their industry so like the music industry their output quality has dropped to almost grossly dross.

What makes this all worse is the viewing public actually fall for this glossy film only looking at the visual effects almost ignoring the real lack of substance behind the films and television series themselves. It really says a lot for modern man who seams to have lost the basic love and need for good stories their ancestors had something which does not bode well for mankind in general.

It is as if the film and television industry is destroying by their focus on profits are destroying something basically human and cultural that is human skill and need for story telling. Something which has always been important to the development of our very cultures, beliefs and the oldest way man learnt new things. If we finally lose the basic ability to weave a story we will lose something which basically makes us human and closer to an automaton who just lives and works.

Though we can be hopeful that out of all this dross a few individuals within both the Film and Television Industry still produce good films which get people thinking and produce something has real story and plot.

Myself I am getting very disillusioned with a film and television industry which continually produces lack lustre films and series then being bombarded with them on the media especially from the United States. It also makes me very sad to see once great industry, much like Music Industry, dying on it feet and the fact people will not fight this decline but just be fooled by smoke and mirrors they put in front of them!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Religion in Schools in a Multicultural and Multiracial Society Is Wrong!

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What a recent Ofsted report here in the United Kingdom has highlighted to myself and other like myself that religion now has no place in our schools any more especially in a multicultural and multiracial society we have here now in the United Kingdom.

I have never been totally comfortable with Schools especially in my early days at Primary School being Christian or Christian orientated as I was brought up in a family who regarded schools as a place to learn academic and useful things for my future career not religion which was something which should have been left in the likes of Sunday School not the mainstream schools.

This has been a view I have taken to may adulthood and my views have been further enforced by the recent events in Birmingham over an alleged Muslim take over of a number of schools there which may or may not have happened. Then combine this we number of other worrying trends in other schools elsewhere in the United Kingdom which are now run and funded by fundamental Christian groups some of which have connections to the Creationists in the United States I am starting to wonder if religion should be taken out of the schools totally.

From what I can see both Christian and Muslim alike by meddling in schools here in the United Kingdom have damaged our education system in a fundamental way as both groups can be accused of using schools here to indoctrinate the young of their respective communities and watering down the real job of the schools here in the United Kingdom which is to educate the next generation with academic and practical skills they need to be productive citizens in the future.

What schools are not in my view should not be places of teach people religious morals and doctrines but how to be good citizens in society in a secular way as now the young are growing up in a multicultural and multiracial society. So if anything the one thing our schools should be teaching the young is tolerance not the intolerance and bigotry religion introduces in to schools currently.

But as Always the Coalition government here rather than tackling the problem by removing religion form the schools as they should they do a knee jerk reaction both politically correct and ineffective to attempt the control of schools by so called extremists of any sort.

My personal view is we as a nation should force the government to take back the control of all schools and remove all their connections with any religion, and I mean any religion, even down to renaming the old Church of England schools to remove the Christian Saints from their names. On top of which if any Christians, Muslims even Jews want to teach their religious doctrine and culture they should be forced to do it outside of the mainstream school system at their own expense not at the states and taxpayers expense.

I know what I have said some people may find a little extreme and it is not said because I am Agnostic Atheist but because as someone who believes in the purity of learning not being watered down or twisted by inappropriate religious doctrine which frankly has no real place any more in our modern society here in the United Kingdom!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Auschwitz: Evil of Man!

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Auschwitz is a name which should be etched into our very souls least we forget the evil that was perpetuated there and other places!

It was one of the main Concentration Camps in which the Nazi’s carried out their Final Solution of the Jews. Something that some people even now denied happened.

This name represents an evil men can do to each other. We have the capacity to do more evil than the metaphysical Christian Demons and Devils. Evil is not in Hell but for a short time a living hell existed within the Concentration Camps like Auschwitz.

We need to learn from this and kept being reminded of this fact least we do it again.

But this is a faint hope of mine as Humanity will do it again, and it has. Humanity still finds it easy to persecute a group because of their religion. It has started again in Europe and America and like last time people justify this hate and fear as defending their Homelands!

Remember Auschwitz before we all let our fears and hate rule over our hearts because if we do not stop demonising a group at the moment it will eventually lead to the same answer again!

I ask could we live with this again?

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Some Jobs Can Destroy Creativity!

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I know that jobs are basically there to earn money to live and do not have to be most interesting or intellectually stimulating but what I am finding that such jobs are starting making me feel that I am losing all my creativity and imagination.

It feels like I am getting lost in a sea of indifferent greyness and what making me, me along my creativity is being sucked out of me. All to a point all I can do when I get home is either just sit in front of the television or go around around the same web sites on the internet slowly getting bored of life.

It starts to become a very vicious circle I find myself trapped in which I know how to escape but too tired and lethargic to actually break!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

Stop Judging Me By Your Low Morals?

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This is a plea to those people I have to deal with everyday both in and out of work to stop judging me or forcing on me their own moral codes, ethics and even opinions as I am starting to find it deeply offensive!

It seams a growing number of people in the modern world are far too lazy to a point they actually think that everyone thinks, acts and have the same outlook to life to them. Mostly due the fact they cannot communicate effectively with other people and even think on a high enough level to understand that not everyone is the same.

I suppose what does not help them in this modern world of ours is a media and peers around them which bombard them with messages and images which imply that everyone is the same or should be same. Such things that everyone is driven by money and status or even that everyone, especially males, like cars and football.

Basically what it shows is just how lazy, disconnected and self-centred modern man has become to a point they believe the world centres around them and they do not have the basic imagination or empathy to understand we are all different!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: I also have a small personal social network which is invitation only just follow the link to Luther’s Chosen Few.

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