I Am Mr Nobody Sometimes!

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Just sometimes my depression robs me of my own identity and feeing of actually feeling like a human being to a point I am nobody. Though this not helped by the fact that people define me by what I do or where I come from rather than me myself.

This is done in an unthinking manor by people around me because our modern culture has gone backwards in so much the way of defining people by their age, profession and nationality especially within the media in general.

But this does have effect on people like myself who suffer depression in so much at the height of our depressions things like age, professions and nationality really have little meaning as the depression lock ourselves inside ourselves. This means such definitions are remote and unreal things to the suffer of depression so it further disconnects them from the world around them.

In the end it can make the person who has depression feel like a Mr Nobody and unimportant because such concepts are so remote from the core of themselves.

There is an irony to this as the person learns to live with their depression things like age, profession and nationality become unimportant again because as the person suffering depression comes out of it they gain a very firm idea of who they are and figure out it is more important to define themselves by themselves rather than unimportant things like age and the such!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

We Need More Idealists and Dreamers!

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Our modern world needs more idealists and dreamers to move forward as both my tilt at windmills or dream impossible dreams but each can bring change and new ideas from their views and dreams.

There is this modern view we should keep our feet on the ground and both idealists and dreamers waste their time but this from a stance of fear and ignorance of those who say it who have forgotten that it was idealists and dreamers who created the world around them!

If it were no for such people there would be no new ideas no change and the world, much as it is currently, will grind to a stop eventually die. They give society a spark of innovation, imagination even food for thought to move on to something new.

So the next time you put down an idealist or dreamer stop and remember it has been such people who got you were you are now!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

The One Rule!

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Currently there is only one rule how I write and that is to write from the heart and spontaneously as ideas make themselves known in my own mind, especially the entries in this journal.

It sort of works for me but does mean sometimes the topics either jump around or worked to death on the journal but my mind has never been very focused if anything jumps from subject to subject in very quick succession.

But for me writing from the heart is working so for short time I will keep doing it.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

The Modern World Thrives on the Negative!

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From my own observations of the world through social networks on line to daily interaction of people our modern world seams to thrive on the negative be it hate, anger, discrimination and even ignorance. Everyone around me accept this as the normal state of affairs and very acceptable regardless of the fact such behaviour has never been acceptable in any civilised society in the past decades.

It is as if people do not care any more to lazy to do something about it to a point they just go along with everyone else in spreading such negative views, opinions and the such. Some are just pain stupid to believe and not question what is told them.

So now we have surrounded ourselves in a world full of hate, anger and discrimination driven by a media which feeds off it and people who are the targets of such negative thought and actions are now starting to suffer or even die because of this negativity.

And what do people do about it?

Nothing just sit there making the right noises but in the background still feed the hate, anger and discrimination which caused the deaths in the first place on top of which never taking responsibility for their own actions.

People simply find it easier to have negative and destructive thoughts in our modern world as positive thoughts would mean they would have to do something and actually be sociable to other human beings.

When the hate, anger and discrimination visits their own lives all I will say you made your own bed as you did nothing when it happened to others so why should you now expect some to lift a finger to help you?

I know this is a hard attitude but I am slowly getting fed up of large majority of the people around me because their inaction and lack of caring is killing off a once rich society leaving in place a grey shadow full of fear, hate and death!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

I am Never Going to be Happy With My Writing!

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This is odd thing to say that I am never going to be happy with my writing all because I still think that it is never going to be good enough to be taken seriously.

This feeling has it’s roots in my schools days during which no one encouraged me to write and empress myself, if anything some people, including teachers, when out of their way to discourage it with ridicule and discouraging comments. This has always coloured my life until I finally started to battle by depression.

But in the end it will always mean I will never be happy with what I write even if others say it is good as my early life has coloured my view of my writing but I will carry one just in case I finally exorcise this demon!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Being Distracted by the Trivial!

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At the moment I am being easily distracted by what I would be trivial matters including a game, social web sites and a web page almost as if I am trying to avoid or afraid of something.

It looks like my depression is working it’s evil on me denting my confidence and basic get up and go much needed to do a number of things and chores which are long overdue. It is as if my depression is finding such trivial things to stop me doing anything useful or constructive.

So now I know what it is doing time to start to find the strength inside me to not to be distracted by tribal never an easy task when my depression has it’s hold on me!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

A Need to Change or an Arrogance?

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What I about to say will most probably sound arrogant even condescending to the people that I currently surround me both at home and work but I have a need to surround myself with people who fire my imagination and my creativity as at the moment it feels like I am drowning in sea of greyness and indifference.

I am not saying the people around me are bad, or stupid but they have very little in common with me on many levels to a point I really do not make contact with them or can have a much needed conversations and discussions about a whole range of things.

Such conversations and discussions I have always found useful and very enlightening in so much they get me thinking, my imagination and creativity moving forward as I bounce ideas even extremely stupid ones. I did once have friends like that but I have moved far too many times in my recent life to put down real roots and keep in contact with people.

Though my depression has also meant I have slowly drifted away from people always thinking that no one ever wants to be a friend because of my intense, reflective and serious side, all of the things which spark my imagination and creativity within me.

But at the moment I cannot break the cycle of being among people who do not feed my imagination and creativity and find those who do. I am back to be far too self reliant and contained again because of my depression which means I am trapped inside myself screaming for those people who will feed my imagination and creativity.

As I said this sounds so arrogance but something I need to do soon just for my own sanity and peace of mind!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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