Bee in My Bonnet!

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At the moment I have a real bee in my bonnet over my creativity or lack of it.

I suspect it is part of my recovery from my current down and part of me I think has always been a part of me and my personality something which in my teenage years was drummed out of me by those people around me who far from encouraged it if anything helped to suppress it by making me feel so small for just having a creative streak.

I know this really sounds like I am blaming everyone else for destruction of my creativity but I am not as such but I am saying those around me coloured my self image and esteem so badly it has always coloured my life.

Plus what I am not saying I am good or fantastic at being creative and I certainly do not have an overblown blown up sense of my creativity but what I have is a need to be creative be it in a Role-Playing Game, drawing maps even writing computer code to create something even if it a piece of software.

But one thing I have learnt as I have gone through fighting my depression a lot about myself and how I work inside. One thing which has come out is I love to be creative even if what I produce is not world class but the process of being creative gives much pleasure.

I forgive those who in my early days tried to suppress me because they feared me because I always seamed to follow my own path as in the end they did not succeed as what everyone would call my twilight I am finding my creativity and the joy of it again.

I don’t think it is ever too late to find myself again along with my creativity as it would have been worse if I allowed myself to fall back in to my depression and done nothing about it!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXVI

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So far having a quiet week though currently even with my anti-depressants there is the usual underlying problems with my depression causing me to get very irritable with the people around me especially those I believe are causing me and others true problems especially at work.

Though currently what really does not help my mood I am very disappointed with some people around me because of their behaviour and attitudes which frankly stink in my personal opinion. I may not able to do anything about their attitude but I can show my displeasure and dislike of their attitudes. Sadly it will not change anything but their attitude and actions will catch them up and I will get the pleasure of say I told you so.

This morning has been one of those days when I stop fighting my depression in so much it is currently waking me up before I need to in the morning after which results in me lying in bed worrying about things and the fact I cannot sleep so today I have got up. It seams to have worked as I’ve got up and not worrying about things and discovered I have had enough sleep.

Once again a week has been a long time in my depression again with my mood turning down again though currently the mood swings are lot less pronounced so not as bad as it was a month ago so things are getting better for me.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXV

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I managed to survive the 7 day run of shifts without getting overly stressed by the long run of shifts but at the end the fatigue and heat within the store did catch me up slightly. It did mean I had a day of feeling light headed and dizzy especially when I bent down to do something.

But at least today I have managed to rest and recuperate so starting to feel a bit better all helped by the weather, especially this evening, being noticeably cooler giving me a chance to feel a lot more comfortable than yesterday.

We did not go shopping today but I did manage to get some chores done and amazingly some blogging done one of the entries I have been thinking about for over a week. Now I am complaining a quiet evening ahead in front of the television watching the crime series on the Quest Channel here.

I know this sounds very mundane and if anything a bit boring but at the moment both are needed as I am coming out of yet another depression as it switches my mind off things which could cause me problems later.

Only downer of the whole week is just how flat work has felt after a storming week before which has disappointed me as it was such good week. Though as per usual I am expecting a lot out of the people around me and sadly as usual they disappoint me. One day I will get over this as I should remember not everyone around me cares about things as much as I do.

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Windows 9 Still is Not Going to be the Answer!

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When it comes out I still think that Windows 9 will still not be answer to the prayers to the current Windows xp users even with the return of the menu, start button and real desktop as it will still be Windows 8 in the background with all it’s associated problems. That is it’s associated problems with updates, security and customization which have always been part of Windows 8.

I suspect that Windows 9 will not cure any of the current security and associated software problems plus I suspect even with Microsoft’s claim the foot print of the operating system is going to be smaller it’s hardware requirements will still be bigger than any other operating system on the market including Apple.

So once again users will have to spend more on their new hardware or throw away so called outdated hardware which frankly is the greatest crime as the hardware they are currently using is far from spent so it’s a waste of money and resources. After all look at Apple’s computers they may be expensive but their operating system make better use of the hardware so the hardware last a lot longer so waste less resources in the long run.

I am still of the view we are serviced by a retail industry centred and blinkered to just selling Windows Computers which is doing users, especially Windows xp users, a major disservice at a time when money is short and we should be careful with the use of our resources in general if we want to reduce our pollution footprint on the world.

I will keep saying this until someone out there wakes up to the fact that the best way for Windows xp users is to go towards the Linux root especially with Linux Mint with xfce desktop as it will mean that they can keep their old hardware and a desktop which is very familiar. Add to this an operating system which is as stable and friendly as Windows xp was with the added advantage Linux Mint has little or no security issues of Windows has always had.

This is all from personal experience as I have already converted at least two ex-Windows xp users who are using old hardware to Linux Mint with xfce desktop with a lot of success. One of these people now use the Linux machine over their Windows desktop simply because it is easier to use and actually does what it says on the packet. Much like Windows xp it simply works and the operating system fades into the background where it should be.

I know I keep beating the Linux drum and point out the short comings of Windows but someone has to as currently Windows users are really getting a bad time on the internet in so much they are constantly plagued with malware and viruses even constant update problems something which is not right!

Add to this people think this is perfectly normal experience of the computer and the internet but it not the case contrary to what Microsoft and computer industry want users to believe. But this is not the case as with right operating systems including Apple operating system the internet and computers are meant to be easy to use and not hard work Windows has made it!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Fun With Cultural Differences!

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I think this has to be said to clear some cultural differences between the United Kingdom and United States especially over the use of the terms Republican and Liberal in politics. This in a hope that some Americans do not get the wrong idea of my political views and stance.

So here we go to clear some misconception with those people across the big pond.

Here in the United Kingdom a Republican is not a major right wing political party, though it is a minor political party, but some one who wants to turn the United Kingdom into a Republic that is remove the Queen as the head of state and replace her with an elected President. It is an anti-Royalist stance as some citizens of the United Kingdom are frankly fed up with some their taxes being given to a Royal family whose existence is now in question in a modern country and they think the taxes could be better spent elsewhere as President would be cheaper option.

One interesting thing until a few decades ago to talk about a Republic in the United Kingdom was treason and you could be arrested for believing and even talking about a Republic. But now we can talk about it openly which is most definitely a step forward. There is even now a Democratic Republican Party here now in the United Kingdom but it is still a very minor political party.

Now we come to the biggest bugbear between the United States and United Kingdom the use of the term Liberal which definitely has two different meanings with ours in the United Kingdom being the oldest definition!

Here a Liberal is not a left wing or a communist or even a socialist but a political party which dates back to the early days of Parliament itself here in the United Kingdom. Yes, I will admit the Liberal are more left wing than the Conservatives here but they represent the middle of the road of politics which has always had it’s base in the South West of England.

Over the years the name of the Liberal Party has changed especially after a merger with the SDP party in the 1980s after which the party name was changed to the Liberal Democrats but basically the stance of the party remained the same.

What I think most American miss in our politics here is that our politics here does have a true left wing in the from of the Labour Party, though now they have sold out their left wing politics for votes but still represent the workers and Unions here in the United Kingdom. Plus we also do have real left-wing parties who stand in our General Elections which include the Communist and Socialist Parties.

This one of my pet hates with a large minority of the people from United States as they assume that when I use terms like Liberal or Republic they mean the exactly the same as in the United States but I will reiterate to these people there they do not mean the same.

All this goes to show there are those in the United States who have a cultural laziness to assume we here in the United Kingdom have the same culture as they do which is simply not true. As an Englishman I find this very offensive as after all I have taken the time to understand that the culture of United States is different to ours here which is definitely a very good thing!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Blogging is Good For The Soul!

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The one thing has become very clear as I have blogged over the years is that it has certainly helped with my depression rather than hindered it. That is it has helped me to get certain feelings including anger and frustrations out of my mind into a written form which has enabled me to release such feeling from my mind where they would of just gone around and around.

This for anyone who has ever suffered depression is very therapeutic as such circular thinking can cause a lot of problems with depression itself which always ends up with obsessive thoughts and turning what is a trivial matter into something which frankly was never important in the first place.

So for me my blogging has always released these thoughts making me feel much better in my self and means I can move forward rather than backwards as my depression would like me to do.

It also had a very pleasant side effect too as it has also boosted my self confidence and believe in myself and released a creative side which I believed I never had though it is still a bit rough and in the past was suppressed both by my depression and those around me who went out of their way to bully it out of me!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

Journal of a Lost Soul Part CCCLXXIV

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This week may be a 7 day run of shifts but unlike a few months ago it is now only a minor annoyance which can be worked around rather than moaned at. As I have said before what a change a few months can make especially when I am doing something about my depression yet again.

Work is also going so much better now the depression is not colouring my views of it something a lot of people on certain social web sites and around me missed. In so much I was moaning because of the depression not because of the job which to be frank is still underpaid and it does have a few things I rather not have to deal with but it is a job I can do standing on my head.

One thing I will say I may be good at dealing with people at work but the job itself both intellectually and creativity is not stimulating enough to tax me something I now need in a job which hopefully when I start to feel better I can look for again.

It seams at the moment I have thing for being creative again something which I never regarded myself as because of a lack of confidence and self-esteem which I can put down to my early years of my life at school which knocked it out of me.

But from some people around me and those on a number of social web sites comments it seams I am far more creative than I think I am it a bit rough especially with the writing down of my thoughts but if I continue along this path this will get better with practice.

So life could be taking a new path for me if I want it to but it is now matter of being brave enough to take the plunge to chance for once and for all time!

Please Note: If you are interested in a more personal scrapbook of mine just follow the link to Patterns in the Static!.

Please Note: If you are interested in my home page just follow the link to Experiment No. 3.

Please Note: If you are interested in my small social network just follow the link to On the Other Side!.

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